Gore:  According to recent polls, I blow you away in the '74-76 year old woman with purple hair' demographic.
Bush:  That a minority opinion
Gore:  I love minorites. I voted for NAFTA...
Bush:  Youre not the only one who voted for important acronyms
Gore:  ...and I can breakdance!
Bush:  Stop cuttin' me off. And breakdancin' went out in the 90s!
Gore:  So did your father!
Bush:  Somebody here is a just a liiiiil bit jealous that their father didn't make it inta the highest office!Gore:  He coulda been a contender!
Bush:  Mr Gore Sr. wishes he coulda traded places with Mr Bush Sr.
Gore:  Hey, I know everything there is to know about the trade deficit, except whether it matters, and how to solve it
Bush:  I know everything there is to know about attention deficit. I've been diagnosed!
Gore:  Then listen carefully. You listen too America! Under Bush's tax plan, only 2% minus 1% of the richest Americans will benefit.
Bush:  No more fuzzy math! It's not the only fuzzy thing you boys have hangin' around the White House. But I know you love your Skipper.
Gore: Tipper!
Bush:  I was close. So Mr. Gere, do you think Mr Clinton woulda made Ms. Lewinski get an abortion if he'd knocked her up?
Gore:  He couldn't have knocked her up. They didn't have sex.
Bush:  That's not what the cigar is telling all its friends.
Gore:  (oh no. he's making them laugh. Quick Al!) All right, how many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb? (get them thinking about Lieberman again)
Bush:  Know how much it costs to power a light bulb these days? Me neither, but I bet Cheney could tell us. I know it's alot. Too bad the Asians don't have oil in anything but their fried rice!
Gore: What have you done for us lately J.R?
Bush: That's G.B. Least I know my own initials A.J. Lemme tell you somethin' Clinton-hugger, I'm not runnin' no negatory campaign.
Gore:  I got stuck with Clinton! You think I liked that guy? Always took the last piece of pizza, the last hor d'oeuvre, the last pot brownie…
Bush: I knew it!
Gore: You would cokehead!
Bush: burnout!
Gore: ah, but are you more burnt out now than you were 8 minus 1 years ago?
Bush: Quit it with the fuzzy math!
Gore: I invented math. If it were fuzzy, I'd know it.
Bush: Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear…
Gore: (oh no. he's making them laugh again. Cmon, cmon, loosen up.) So does anyone wanna hear Doe a Deer on the piano? I look incredibly sexy playing it.
Bush: read my lips!
Gore: is that a yes or a no?
Bush: no.
Gore: You see! You see! I say YES to America. YES to a better world. YES to peace love and happiness. YES to enlightenment.
Bush: You born again Buddhist. I intend to be the enlightenment and education president! So I'm a wee rusty on history and math. There's still home economics and geography!
Gore: And speaking of geography, who's been livin' in the White House huh huh!
Bush: Anyone with a checkbook and a workin' pen can move in there. We're not impressed.
Gore: All that money is going to save social security, which I'm going to put in a lockbox.
Bush: Yeah but which one of us is more likely to forget the combination to that lockbox!
Gore: You'd spend 10 billion minus a billion dollars on a weapon to blow it open!
Bush: Now yer just bein' catty.
Gore: Hey is that Nader scratching at the door?
Bush: G-d dang, that boy is persistent.
Gore: I'm just glad we have Janet Reno's men covering the entrance.
Bush:  Thank ya Jesus.. I'm happier than a down home Southern boy at his family reunion of three.
Gore: Let's be happy that Ventura didn't want to speak. He'd pull that door right off the hinges! (if I say that governors shouldn't run for president, I could knock Clinton and Bush in one shot! But then everyone will think I'm a sourpuss. I am the master of my meanness. must...stay...in...control)
Bush: Amen to that.
Gore: G-d dang. Thank ya Jesus. Amen. You're just a little Christian Coalition mini Messiah arentcha? (oops)
Bush: Who started the Hava Nagila conga line in the Lincoln bedroom?
Gore: I was just trying to make Joe comfortable!
Bush: I'm uncomfortable with that Nasser fella tryin' to get in. I just heard him call me a "Corporate Capitalist Cookie Cutter" and you "The Scourge of The Progressive Left"
Gore: Don't pay any attention to his fuzzy English. He's already been canned as a candidate. Did I tell you folks how I feel the pain of an Altoona woman who has to collect cans in order to pay for her Medicare prescriptions?
Bush: Her son offered to pay them bills. She's just tryin' to keep herself entertained during them times when the Home Shopping Club is runnin' a baseball card marathon.
Gore: Speaking of marathons and baseball, I'm in great shape. I was a school athlete.
Bush: Why don't you get your wife to go to the gym?
Gore: At least people know who my wife is!
Bush: Can't miss her!
Gore: I'm the only one who knows your wife because I'm the only one who takes out books anymore!
Bush: I'm glad you read so much. Read my lips: Ask not what yer country will do for you but what you can do for yer country!
Gore: You're plagiarizing!
Bush: Excuse me. I believe Canada's line was "Ask not what yer country can do for you but what you can do for yer country"
Gore: now who's being fuzzy!
Bush: Fuzzy wuzzy was a bear…
Gore: How many Jewish bankers would it take to keep the budget balanced?
Bush: I intend to take the budget surplus and set it aside to fund my reelection campaign in 2004.
Gore: I intend to do the same.
Bush: Now who's plagiarizing!
Gore: I was going to say that before you! I even stored this speech on my computer. I want my laptop!
Bush: I want my daddy!