IRS AGENT PRESCREENING EXAM
Do you pay all your taxes?
a)Yes. I am a responsible, law abiding taxpayer
b)My Camaro IS a business expense thank you very much. I'm a pimp.
If you answered "a" in question one, were you
a)Telling the truth?
b)Trying to pass this prescreening exam?
c)Some "a" but mostly "b"
At your office Xmas party are you the one
a)Cracking all the jokes?
b)The one all the jokes are cracked about?
c)I don't think anything is funny.
What do you think of people who cheat on their taxes?
a)I'd like to know how they do it. You try explaining to the IRS man that your johns won't give you any respect in a Toyota Tercel.
b)I think they should be deprived of all due process, given a wedgie, and possibly executed by firing squad thereafter.
c)That is not funny. Of course I don't think anything is funny.
How would you describe your style of dress?
a)Professional. Standard fedora, gold chains and red polyester oxford. And I make sure my bitches dress accordingly right down to the flashpants.
b)People always ask me if I've just attended a funeral. So I guess I'd have to answer "conservative"
c)You mark my words. Two tone jeans are going to make a comeback.
What do you think about levying outrageous fines for tax evasion?
a)That's just "fine" with me. Haha! (I'm the office party joke cracker in case you hadn't guessed)
b)Do I get a commission on these fines?
c)I will not be satisfied until the scum are left penniless. But we have to be careful and make sure they have enough left in their assets to pay for the firing squad.
Would it bother you to be despised?
a)In my line of work, which is 'carnal commerce', "feared" is what you're going for. Hey, I actually think this is my first correct answer!
b)Fanghead, my pet boa constrictor, loves me and that's all that matters
c)Sure it would. I was voted most popular in high school where as you know, 95% of the student body are considered losers by the remaining 5%.
How would you feel about banging in someone's door?
a)It's disgusting how the FBI took poor Elian! They could've just left a trail of Reeses Pieces outside the door. Well it lured E.T. out didn't it?!
b)I like to think I'd try the doorbell first.
c)I'd only do that if completely leveling the complex would require more than 24 hours of planning.
Have you ever bugged anyone?
a)The pretty girl on floor seven. Today she called me a dork. Usually she calls me a demented dork. I think she's coming around!
b)Wiretapping is evil. I cherish my privacy. My satanic spell and Donny Osmond CD collection are my own business!
c)I snagged an advance copy of this exam along with the answer sheet so Ha!
Have you ever threatened anyone?
a)The pretty girl on floor 7. But she never actually heard me because I did it at home in front of my full length mirror while flexing my impressive biceps.
b)As teddy Roosevelt once said "speak softly and bash delinquent account holders in the head with a big stick"
c)Everyone, all the time. I really have to stop chasing my morning orange juice with moonshine.
When you hear "IRS", what's the first thing that comes to mind?
a)Insulin Receptor Substrate. Maybe it's not important to you but I'm diabetic man!
b)Russia is evil empire 1, Microsoft is evil empire 2 , the IRS is evil empire 3, and my wife's family are evil empire 4. nuff said.
c)I love those guys! They help keep our government well oiled. Yes. I am a responsible, law abiding taxpayer. I'm telling the truth. I don't think anything is funny. I dress convervatively. I like to give wedgies and I am a crack shot. I want to be feared. Nobody likes me except my snake and that's just because I give him bon bons and mice (he really seems to enjoy the aromatic combination and has since stopped gnawing on my index finger during feed time). I'm a surveillance and demolitions expert. I make sure to remove all surveillance equipment prior to demolition. I believe we should consider the bill of rights not paid in full and levy heavy fines. I was born for this job. My adoptive father was an accountant and my grandfather was a member of the S.S! My mother was artifically inseminated due to her lifelong battle with frigidity. Please give me the job, I want this job, it's my job!!!! Can't you see how harassing I am already?
Where should I fax my resume? Do I make out the cover sheet to "Mein Fuhrer"? Do I have to use a W-4 form or is regular copy paper OK?
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