11-13-00

The year is 2000 A.D*, the 21st century (not the 20th. You start the counting one up right?)

*because "B.C" is "before cupcakes" and anyone who's anyone knows that cupcakes were invented in the
year 1, "After Donuts".

For president of the United States Of America and sorta Puerto Rico too,  I pick

1)The DWI guy (party on Wayne, party on Garth!)
To vote for this guy, please donate a urine sample.

2)The guyyyy who like doesn't like like corporations yknow? (omigawd, I hope that doesn't like include malls like cuz those are o.k  K?)
To vote for this guy, please bring a dated receipt, the original packaging, and wait on the customer service line. We'll be with you as soon as we can.

3)That donkeydork who gave a speech on TCP/IP at my wedding (and his wife ate all the fucking pate!)
To vote for this guy visit http://www.xxxtalk.com and chat with Clinton who goes by the handle
"11_inch_Cigar." He'll take care of you.

4)The guy who thinketh that the holy book should only be read in English
To vote for this guy, provide proof that you have harassed at least 10 people whose last names end in a "Z."
We do not recommend having your housekeeper deported as good help still is hard to find. Why the heck
do you think you're here amigo!

5)"Trump" (can I have my free poker chips now?)
To vote for this guy, just say his name aloud 10000X  times. He likes that.

6)I would like to vote for a Florida Orange because they are so cute and so fuzzy and I think Vitamin C is exactly what the nation needs! Just ask Linus Pauling!
To vote for this guy, you must provide a rational explanation of why anyone would drink that orange juice with the pulp in it. I mean, if you want to eat orange juice, have a friggin' orange!

7)Me! I'm ready to run a country. I used to kick ass at that board game "RISK"
To vote for yourself, go home. Don't call us, we'll call you.

8)All of the above (I have a problem making decisions. But my shrink says paying his fee constitutes decisive action. I'm on the road to recovery!)
To vote all of the above, please punch out all the holes, lick them, and stick them to your cheek. You're so damn gullible, freckleface!
 

 One Man One Vote (but I'm a woman, so don't I like get an extra one for good luck?)
 

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