Weekly Wobservations

by Wowoman

a wobservation   is a wacky observation. Look it up. If it's not there, why don't you buy a bigger dictionary tightwad

11-1-99

The popular drama Ally Mcbeal has been given attention due to controversial plotlines such as Ally's promiscuous rendezvous at a car wash, Ally kissing her female coworker...
Here's my idea for the most controversial plotline: Ally takes a lunch break.

11-8-99

Insomniacs and infomercials. The established linkage. I flip on the tube during the wee hours of the night and it's mostly infomercial commerce preying on my exhausted impressionable mind. Drills, treadmills, and a kitchen full of easy-pay Ron Popeil products and I'm heavy in debt. No wonder I can't sleep.

11-15-99

Just noticing a couple of interesting stock symbols.
THC- you only want to own this at a high
PMS- who wants to deal with the swings on this one?
I can't look at the ticker for too long. It gives me vertigo.

11-22-99

On this week's rerun of Gilligan's Island, the Professor has everyone searching for ancient tablets that might hold the secret to getting off the island. I suspended disbelief until Ginger went spelunking in an evening gown. Now I know why more men preferred Mary Ann. Ginger was just too high maintenance. Ginger wouldn't date anyone who didn't own their own pedal car.

11-29-99

Have you seen the commercial for Viagra? There are different couples dancing, hugging and kissing. Well they can do that without the Viagra. No one even smokes a cigarette. They haven't proven a damn thing.

12-6-99

A University of Utah research group reported that a pregnant woman consuming six or more cups of coffee a day doubles her chance of miscarrying. SIX OR MORE CUPS OF COFFEE A DAY? Who is this pregnant woman? Doesn't she realize she'll never sleep after she has the baby? Is she practicing?

12-13-99

If Armageddon is destined to occur at the turn of Y2K, know that all the people of Manhattan are going to hell. It's not a good versus evil thing. I just can't see any of them agreeing to wear white.

12-20-99

Monica Lewinsky is now selling handbags over the Internet. Let's hope they're not the ones she saved from her dates with Clinton.

12-27-99

Tonight it was so cold...how cold was it? I don't know. Go check the weather channel you lazy bastard. I kept thinking about St. Thomas because it's a little slice of paradise. Except for the hurricanes. I don't approve of this arbitrary naming of storms. We need to rotate some themes. We could start by using musical acts that once sold millions of records and yet somehow haven't a single fan in 1999. Hurricane Menudo. Hurricane Vanilla Ice. Or my favorite- Hurricane Kajagoogoo (they sang that song "Too Shy". Oh sure you don't remember!). I'd be willing to weather Kajagoogoo for a respite in Eden. Y'know it's not mentioned in the Bible where exactly this "Eden" was. Adam and Eve were running around naked so you know it's not like...in Canada. But hey, it's ancient history. Except for the eternal punishments. G-d tells Eve she will bear children in pain (the Lord has never had any good Demerol) and that man will rule over her (Eve soon changed her name to Evita) G-d tells Adam he will sweat working the land (This was millennia before the Garden Weasel TM) As for the clothing- the fig leafs were a blessing let me tell you, those two kids were just eating and lounging around all day- they were not lookin' good. And the Serpent, the real troublemaker, becomes Adam's boots and Eve's wallet.

01-04-00

After the stroke of midnight on New Years, the ATM machine spit out money. Of course it was after I put in my card and punched in my password. The Y2K bug is the Y2K bubkes, which brings me to ask you...

Happy New Year!
What was your greatest disappointment day 1 of the New Millenium?

Still no paperless office (it wasn't 40 tons of computer disc they tossed all over Times Square)
Still no colony on Mars (oh but they can keep building in Vegas)
no Armageddon (Im a meek & pious Amish whos never hurt anyone, unless boring people to death counts)
no one bombed the Washington monument (oh come on. It looks like a big pencil!)
I didn't amount to anything in the 20th century (when my hangover wears off, I will change my life!)


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01-11-00

I have lily white porcelain skin (re: I'm pale!) but very dark eyes. I still think my blood is Nordic because I'm quivering all the time & I prefer cold to hot. Guliani is trying to freeze out the homeless people so it's frigid inside Penn Station. Subway stations too. So frigid that you entertain yourself breathing mist O's. I'm standing there chilled, understanding the life of an ice cube, and my friend says, "Yeah but it's worse in the summer." Usually that "think warm" bit doesn't work on me but remembering how unbearably hot the subways are over the summer warmed me up immediately. I can't stand any temperature extreme but better too cold than too hot. Another friend of mine pointed out, "If it's cold you can put on a couple of extra sweaters. But there's only so much you can take off." You wonder if G-d ever contemplated a removable dermis. I remember one blistering summer day inside a subway station. The stench of sticky sweat and people who think roll-on is some kind of vibrator. You feel like you're in some B Grade scifi movie where the sinister antagonist has you attached to a machine that's slowly draining you of your superpowers. Make me choose between winter in Alaska or summer in Mexico and I'm inside the igloo. Crank up the thermostat. Put on a heavy sweatshirt. Wrap myself in a warm fuzzy blanket. And while I breathe mist O's I say to myself, "Why the hell didn't I take the summer in Mexico?"

01-18-00

Linda Tripp has undergone massive cosmetic surgery in an attempt to alter negative public perception of her appearance. Sources close to Ms. Tripp have said that her main goal is to be attractive enough for Clinton...in which case, a basic lip augmentation procedure would have sufficed.

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