It figures you'd click!

Now that I have your attention, let me tell you... I understand chicks like Robin Givens. They never have to wonder why they bought or made someone a nice gift. Most of my friends are revoltingly cheap bastards (SQUIRM!) If you're my friend, this means you (OK OK...a couple of notable exceptions. Sadly, people I know less intimately are more thoughtful than people I know famously. Familiarity breeds cheapness!) Cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap! I think I'm very fair about who I call cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap. Cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap is a "friend" completely forgetting/ignoring my birthday or a "best friend" buying me a $10 birthday present that's the kind of knickknack that you should send "just because." Worst of all, cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap is a person who doesn't offer a proper thank you when it's warranted.

To all my cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap friends, tanx 4 nuttin. (Well, that was warranted)

Almost all my friends are male (I get enough *female* contending with myself) and I think it's worth mentioning that I do not let men pay my way. My hang-up. To summarize a complex issue briefly- I think it's naive and contrary to history to disassociate the 'male as breadwinner' from females being subordinated. $ is power, plain and simple. For all you men who keep buying dinner but aren't ever getting any desert, a subscription to Playboy is the same price as a good entree. Food for thought.

I don't need canned generosity- I have Visa. Truly generous souls are too rare. Most people are just pulling rank. Don't believe me, you poor misguided fool. Obviously I cant stand cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap. But I'm not impressed by and do not appreciate generosity grandstanders. It amazes me that some guys spread their plumage sparing a girl change for a coke. Get me a limo, chauffeur, servants, a lifetime supply of soda…then at least I'd be impressed. I'd probably keep the soda. What? You can't send it back. The carbonation. It could explode in transit. It would kill me to see fizzies wasted. The milk of human kindness is really a cola.

The point is- I don't cost my friends or lovers any money (and let me tell you, I could charge the lovers!) In fact, they usually cost me money. Never mind the people who have more money than I do. Cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap!

Hear ye Hear ye! I want a thoughtful present around the holidays and on my birthday. Do you people hear me! If you're broke, then make something. One of the nicest and most memorable gifts I ever received cost the sender zero dollars but an admirable amount in the way of effort. Plagiarize a poem. You have options!

This little fit of mine illustrates much of the reason why I am a)misanthropic b)an asocial hermit who doesn't want to see you c)single d)increasing my dose of Ritalin

I'm not serious about the Ritalin. Oh suddenly you see something in print and it's bible, right! Nobody deserves me. I mean it. The same people who take me for granted wonder why I don't want to get closer to them! I don't care if mine is a rotten cynical attitude. Humanity is a fungus!

I'm not sick and tired of being thoughtful. I just would like some reciprocation! I'd like to know someone who is a)generous to a fault b) has nothing to prove c)gives from the heart d)has exquisite taste. OK, D is optional. I'm taking back the other "D" too!

I drink Pepsi One.