THE LOVE CANOE (opening notes)

As the people closest to me are aware, I have a serious sleeping disorder...but without which I could not produce works of such grandiose silliness as what follows...

I was on the phone talking to Tony after not having slept for 30 some hours. And I broke out spontaneously in melody with the theme song from "The Love Boat." Tony, who loves to sing and can actually sing, didn't say or sing a word. Luckily I ran out of steam because I couldn't recollect all the lyrics. And after I got off the phone I got to thinking profound thoughts such as, "Why is it called the 'Love Boat' and not the 'Love Yacht'? 'Boat' makes it sounds as if its a canoe." I actually composed this parody entirely in my head (no it didn't impress me either!) and felt compelled to put it on paper...Thank whatever Lord you worship that I don't have AAA batteries for my mic or I would've included a wav file of me chirping.

Also, is it me or is the word "canoe" funny? I'm going to have to add it to my list of acoustically pleasing words. "The Nun On The Canoe"; that's funny. "The Nun On The Kayak."; that's not funny. Kayaks aren't funny, especially when they raid innocent Jewish villages.

My favorite Love Boat character was Ace (oh yeah like I wanted to date Doc or Captain Stubing)

If music soothes the savage beast, this should keep Orca from attacking you (but you might want to stay ON the boat just in case)...

THE LOVE CANOE (sung to the tune of "The Love Boat")


Stale like diner food

Come aboard

We'll get you in the mood

And love,

Makes you pay alimony

You may be broke

but you don't have to be lonely


The love canoe,

Soon we'll be making another run

The love canoe

Looks like we only have room for one

Bring a magazine, vaseline

If you want real romance



Won't hurt anymore

Don't stand up

Toochus on floor

And love

Makes you act like a shmuck

You can book the yacht

Or you can save a buck



Don't drop the oar, you putz...

*S.ave O.ur*