Mission Statement Revisited:
I decided I am no longer taking spam lying down. Nor will I take it standing up, seated at my desk, in a lotus position, or hopping on one leg. I will not be a victim! Instead I will be a victim loser (important distinction) who will take the time to write back to an address that is likely nonexistent or has long exceeded its storage quota. I am the spammer of Satan. I represent the spammers of Satan. Get thee behind me!

Date: Tue, 9 Apr 2002 08:40:46 -0700 (PDT)

From: "Satan Spams" <satanspams@yahoo.com>

To: jeff@philsphans.com

Hold the training farm young man of Lamana. I’m a Brooklyn-bawn New Yawk fan. I f*cking hate the Phillies. I also hate your f*cking crème cheese, your f*cking cheesey fans, and I’d like to crack that f*cking ugly ass bell over your f*cking ugly ass head.  I keep getting this same spamburger with the subject line “hot moaning p*ssy”  So heres the plan, I intend to sic the hot moaning p*ssy on you…don’t get too excited…the snapper has teeth! Do you think our founding f*cking fathers would’ve foundingly f*ckingly approved of your transparently prying me for personal f*cking information? You mindless dribbling f*cking Quaker, I hope your loving brother lovingly f*cks you up the f*cking ass. Then I hope Wilt f*cking Chamberlain f*cking makes you his 1034th f*cking bitch.  I have a f*cking suggestion for you jeff*cker, send your shortshop the f*ck on over, we’ll use him as a  f*cking backup & then euthanize the f*cking team!

Incidentally, I think the f*cking pornography and motherf*cking lewdness filter is a swell f*cking idea.

Thank you for contacting me. I believe the entire modern population is connected by six degrees of spam. It’s heartwarming when you think about it.

Receptively yours (like I had a f*cking choice),

Spammer of Satan, NYY

----Original Message Follows----
From: Jeff Lamana <jeff@philsphans.com>
Reply-To: jeff@philsphans.com
Subject: Philsphans.com
Date: Mon, 8 Apr 2002 22:56:02 -0800

Good morning, i'd like to let you know about our new site

Myself and a group of others have formed our own Philadelphia Phillies
website aimed at becoming the best Phillies fan site out there, We've added
message boards and taken steps to block any type of pornography and ludeness
and made it a place where all can post or read discussions without having to
worry about seeing mindless dribble. The best thing is they are monitored
20 hours a day by our staff. If you're interested check out

There are some really great discussions going on in our message boards and
we have updated news, game info, archives of game recaps/boxscores.  We've
got a great staff at philsphans.com with some great feature stories and

Philsphans.com is *the* place to discuss the Phillies.

Also to help promote the site and create a sense of belonging we have
mugs, hats, totebags and even a mousepad with our logo on it available for

Coming soon, Video Game and Memorabilia section!

Check it out!

Jeff Lamana

If you would like to be removed from this mailing list please click reply
and include your name, address, Social Security # and date of birth so we
can verify your identity.

Addendum: I had a funny feeling that a baseball fan was getting slammed here (scroll to bottom), I should've checked to see if philsfans was a legitimate site (I didn't want to give them a "hit") and where the email came from although he could've been spoofed.  What annoys me is that even if this guy can track down the offender (very unlikely) he really has no recourse. The government needs to start doing what it does best, levying fines. Something's gotta give. Especially with anonymous freemail providers. If they don't want to impose certain regulations (even nonanonymity) then spam is going to be controlled at the final mile by filtering in mail you want as high priority mail, and this isn't such a workable option for businesses. But businesses should be encouraging registration. Maybe if they weren't abusive...they sell your information not to mention asking you too many nonoptional questions (and they arent even sexy) Ultimately if the reward for registration was substantial in some way, people would do it. I dont understand why it isnt a prerequisite for tech support although its amazing how meaningless databases can be to some people. I still can't call up optimum online without having to read the serial number off my modem. It was like this before I had two modems but the two modems I have now are different brands. They have all this information in their system. I dont get the logic. Someone is going to impersonate me for free tech support. There couldn't be anyone that bored, there just couldn't be. Actually I questioned where my entertainment values were at when I almost decided to heckle a telemarketer who kept leaving messages on my machine about a 1.5% rate. I was dying to call back and ask for the 1.5% of my debts and act seriously confused when he explained that I'd be paying *them* 1.5% on top of my debts.
Philly still f*cking sucks but I feel sorry for cluttering this person's box (he already has a benched lineup doing that). No I am not going to write this guy back to apologize, he's probably overwhelmed as it is. I'm sorry! (and not just for his f*cking team)


Hello, I did not send you that letter and I whole heartedly appologize. My
website is a website targeted for fans of the philadelphia phillies. Someone
other than me sent this to you to try and sabotage my website.    I've
forwarded all information to the authorities. Please accept my appology for
the intrusion.  I would never send out this junk mail and ask for any of
that information.  Additionally, we have not signed you up to any list

Due to the amount of mail I am recieving because of this, I have been forced to send this auto response. You will not recieve any email from anybody from philsphans.com anymore after this.

Jeff Lamana


PS I put my video back. I am not leaving it there because it's a waste of my bandwidth. If I post music or video or anything chunky, it'll only be on and off. I don't even like this video. I'm either too conscious of the camera or not conscious enough! Plus my hair is tousled and I think the 5 lbs the camera is rumored to add all went to my nose.
In case you don't know what video I'm talking about, go HERE
Of course I blundered because I have two "tempie" folders, the funny thing about that is I'm sure I named a folder "tempie" so as not to overwrite a "temp" folder and I end up with two tempies. (well, tempie IS better than philadephia creme cheese anyway!)  Incidentally, I had to poke around to even find the page where I used to have the video link. The other day someone asked me for two things at my site and I could only find one. I've done a bang up job of giftwrapping the giftwrap.  The original video clip uncompressed was over 150 megs! Ive been thinking of investing in an external hard drive even though they're a ripoff because I thought it'd help me do backups and I could also store and move around a bundle of MP3's.  So I see an ad for an external 160GB drive (it seems like only yesterday they were 160*megs* and bill gates couldnt pay someone to lay him) and it says
"can store up to160,000 high-resolution compressed digital photos,15 hours of DV format video, or 4,000 video games"
and I'm thinking the 15 hours of video isn't so impressive, although that's not compressed. It was a real pain to decompress and then recompress this because originally my dingding friend saved it with some retired codec. Anyway, I think my video clip is about 13.5 megs.  I dont know how it'd stream over a 56K connection, not too nicely I imagine. but it's low quality anyway (and Im not just talking video quality) I dont know where I come off calling my friend the dingding when here I reprise the role of -gullible girl- I confess I'm susceptible to certain kinds of trickery. Someone I knew dearly but hadn't spoken to in a long time once wrote me to tell me he joined a cult and I was convinced. Before you make me wear the dingding cap, understand this guy could've joined a cult. He had the personality. So do I (but for the leader of course) I was skeptical but he played it and me perfectly. He went on and on about how they're not really a cult. Finally I called him and left a message. I think he was thrilled, it takes about that much to get a phone call from me. The unveiling was rather funny, I said to him "are you going to make me fly out there to deprogram you because I will!" and when that didn't seem to daunt him I added "and I'm going to call your mother!" and that's when he came clean.  I'm still pissed about that. But I think we're even from the time I put his sneakers in the freezer. I'd read somewhere that it kills the bacteria that cause shoe odor. It was the dead of winter, freezing. He wakes up one day, has to leave, and is frantically overturning miscellaneous clutter and searching under beds for his sneakers and I'm likewise puzzled that we can't even find one of them, until it dawned on me where they were. Believe me I felt for him because my feet are always cold. Ah, he needed to cool off. I had deservedly nicknamed him "heatbucket." I dont know why but men are so warm. If you're a guy, have you noticed how warm you are? Males are exothermic. Or maybe it's females who are endothermic. Women are also endocreditcard. Or so the men tell me.

Anyway...for a limited run revival....go fish....here....

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