Who's bulldozing my apartment for me? Today I dropped something and broke it when I tripped over a pile of stuff. Don't ask me what I dropped. You should be glad I'm not broken. Thanks for asking! Speaking of broken, my printer has been misbehaving. It thinks it's won. I don't know if this printout is intended to be smug or if it's supposed to make me feel better. But we are not amused! (OK, it is I who is not amused but "we" sounds so much more powerful)

note: this is NOT what I wanted to print out. This is hippie commune output. The other day it enlarged the font about tenfold and there were little polkadots inside the letters. I hate polka dots. Just the word "polka" alters brainwave patterns. Check this out, POLKA HEROES. Not two words you want to hear together. I'd rather give out medals to sadistic war veterans who maim villagers, polka heroes???? That's plain wrong! I have a suggestion to make. The next time you're engaged in a heated stalemate with someone, be quiet for a full 10 seconds. And then straight out of left field,  just say "polka."  I guarantee you the enemy will retreat. And you so much as play two notes on the accordion, you'll never see them again. I always wanted to learn how to play the accordion. I don't like people very much.

Real Life Experiment: the effect of the word POLKA on printer malfunction
I shut off my computer, waited 10 seconds, started it back up, and recited the word polka at least three times, careful to enunciate the "olk" part. My printer did not waste a single page printing junk characters. Now all I have to do is repeat this experiment 1000 times and then I can publish my results. Using someone else's printer.



In the musical spirit of Passover I am offering a lump download (Zipped) which contains 5 songs and 1 document file  It's between 8 and 9 megs. You waited over a month for Moses to haul ass, you can wait for this!

Three revoltingly awful MIDIs (as if there's any other kind...it's like the elevator music of the Internet)
1- Avadeem Hayeenu -Slaves We Were (sounds like Yoda talking)
2- Dayenu- It Would Have Been Enough For Us (this better be enough for you!)
3- Ma Nishtana- How Is This Different? (well...there's no pink bunny painted on the Seder plate egg, and that's just for starters)
Complete Songs
4- The coolest rendition of "Eliyahu" you'll ever hear but be patient. It's punishing at first and then it picks up the pace into a fun sidewalk jam.
5- Even though this isn't a Passover tune, it takes my breath away. If you appreciate spiritual folk music, this should stir you. It's a popular version of "Jerusalem of Gold." I cry every time I listen to it, waterworks, probably because I feel guilty about never having visited Israel. I'm also providing two translations, one is direct and the other is written to rhyme. My own hebrew is very rusty so I wanted the English. The melody and the heart carry the song but the lyrics are quite touching so I'm chucking them in for good measure. Now let's go melt down Jerusalem, who's with me???

I'll leave this LINK up through Passover. What? Do I look like Napster?

Happy Holiday/ Good Yom Tov!

Never you forget the classic and most accurate summary of Jewish Holidays:

They tried to kill us...
We Won...
Let's eat!


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