OK now I'm really going to get head
to toe ringworm. Guess who came back? The black and white cat. I forgot his
name so I'm just going to call him Oreo (real original Deb!) Anyway, Oreo seemed
quite itchy. He kept scratching himself against the wall. I hope this is normal
feline behavior. I dont know. He seemed pretty itchy. If it were an actual
person who was itchy I'd concoct one of my homebrew remedies, something I wouldn't
dare subject an innocent cat to. Incidentally I do realize I shouldn't be feeding
this animal because it isn't mine and also because this is one pudgy ass cat.
But its only natural to equate feeding with nurturing. Which is why I overnurtured
my seamonkeys. As it turned out, Oreo didn't go well with milk. At least not
my milk. I don't think cats are into lowfat lactose free milk. That's just picky
man! But I said it before and I'll say it again, this is the world's cuddliest
most loving cat. If you pick this cat up it will kiss you. Of course that could
just be him itching himself against your face but still! I really should get
a cat. They don't allow dogs where I am. I'd have to rearrange everything though.
I don't know about this neat cat thing, Oreo is a total slob. Seriously. He
kept snooping around, bumping into stuff, knocking it over and not picking it
up. I love the way cats are completely oblivious to the fact they've just knocked
something over. A part of me believes they do this on purpose and are laughing
inwardly. I could totally tell that Oreo wanted to do some domino damage and
knock over all my tapes. But he wasn't going to do that with me standing there.
So he tries to make it look like an accident slapping it with his tail on his
way out of the room. I have deep insights into the cat mind. They think about
three things and three things only, meow, milk and mess. But that doesn't include
lowfat lactose free milk. Oreo was so excited when I took out the carton of
milk. He took one lick and looked at me like I was trying to poison him. He
also knocked over the bowl. He then appeared to be rather satisfied. Don't
you dare side with the cat. I'm not going to have enough lowfat lactose free
milk for my coffee tomorrow! Incidentally I've taken photos of Oreo
which I'll post here when I develop my film. But you won't be able to tell how
sweet Oreo actually is. Too bad there's no such thing as cuddly loving cat-ovision.
I must say Oreo didn't seem to like the camera. He wants to mess up my pictures
Passover falls out early this year. I am
going to try to abide by the dietary restrictions. Itís very difficult
for me, bread is my favorite food. I could live on bread alone (although in my right mind
I wouldnít turn down sauce and cheese) You stroll through any kosher-for-Passover
section of the market and there are all these newfangled concoctions made
from matzo meal instead of flour. But itís freaky food, c'monÖ aint nuthin'
like the real thing baby (if more people thought along these lines, we
never would've been subjected to Cheese Whiz) Iíd rather stick to
non-bread foods altogether and avoid crude imitations. Iíll thank my mom
to avoid the Passover food aisle altogether. My mother is a good
cook but never when she experiments. All these bizarre matza products were
clearly laboratory synthesized. The worst part of my motherís food experiments
is her companion attempt at mind control. No matter how the experiment
turns out you can be sure she will park next to you and keep saying over
and over and over again, ďItís good!,Ē right into your ear.
ďNo offense mom, but I donít really like this.Ē
ďIt tastes funny.Ē
ďIím not eating this.Ē
ďThatís what Iíve been trying to tell you.Ē
The biblical manna that fell in the desert was reported to taste like any food you wanted it to taste like. For all practical purposes, tofu. Which can taste like a hamburger if you cook it with an actual hamburger. Before the Israelites could complain about the tasteless rations, Debbieís mom was scurrying around ear to ear chanting ďItís good. Itís good. Itís good.Ē
Why is Passover Debbieís favorite Jewish holiday?
Because itís an inspirational story for the ages. A pre-enlightenment admonition that G-d did not intend for men to make slaves of other men. G-d has no feelings either way about men having to take out the garbage.
What the heck is matza?
Matza is unleavened bread. Think of a ritz cracker without the ritziness. Or check out my matza CHAIKU (#2) for a precise definition
Does Debbie like holiday movies?
You betcha. Even though I know Rudolph is ultimately going be Santaís pet (no pun intended), I still cry when he gets dissed on. Although not as much as when Dumbo is ostracized by the mean mommy elephants. Or what about the scene from Peteís Dragon where Pete gives the dragon the cold shoulder? How f*cking uncalled for was that! But letís stick to holiday movies. Itís A Wonderful Life is an awesome flick, it amazes me how heartwarming it managed to be without waxing schmaltzy. For 5 minutes following the ending, I actually put my cynicism on reserve but then invariably I come to my senses and resume my disdain for the mean mommy elephants (oh sure they came around at the end but it was so obviously phony) And then of course thereís The Ten Commandments, one of my all time favorite films period, although I donít care for the updated version where Moses arms the Hebrews and they shoot their way out of Egypt.
Ummmm, what does schmaltzy mean?
Well, schmaltz is German/Yiddish for chicken fat. "Schmaltzy" has become an Americanism, extended to describe something that is "sappy, overly sentimental." Incidentally, if you want tofu to actually "taste like chicken" you need to fry it in schmaltz.
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