3-08-02

OK now I'm really going to get head to toe ringworm. Guess who came back? The black and white cat. I forgot his name so I'm just going to call him Oreo (real original Deb!) Anyway, Oreo seemed quite itchy. He kept scratching himself against the wall. I hope this is normal feline behavior.  I dont know. He seemed pretty itchy. If it were an actual person who was itchy I'd concoct one of my homebrew remedies, something I wouldn't dare subject an innocent cat to. Incidentally I do realize I shouldn't be feeding this animal because it isn't mine and also because this is one pudgy ass cat. But its only natural to equate feeding with nurturing. Which is why I overnurtured my seamonkeys. As it turned out, Oreo didn't go well with milk. At least not my milk. I don't think cats are into lowfat lactose free milk. That's just picky man! But I said it before and I'll say it again, this is the world's cuddliest most loving cat. If you pick this cat up it will kiss you. Of course that could just be him itching himself against your face but still! I really should get a cat. They don't allow dogs where I am. I'd have to rearrange everything though. I don't know about this neat cat thing, Oreo is a total slob. Seriously. He kept snooping around, bumping into stuff, knocking it over and not picking it up. I love the way cats are completely oblivious to the fact they've just knocked something over. A part of me believes they do this on purpose and are laughing inwardly. I could totally tell that Oreo wanted to do some domino damage and knock over all my tapes. But he wasn't going to do that with me standing there. So he tries to make it look like an accident slapping it with his tail on his way out of the room. I have deep insights into the cat mind. They think about three things and three things only, meow, milk and mess. But that doesn't include lowfat lactose free milk. Oreo was so excited when I took out the carton of milk. He took one lick and looked at me like I was trying to poison him. He also knocked over the bowl. He then appeared to be rather satisfied.  Don't you dare side with the cat. I'm not going to have enough lowfat lactose free milk for my coffee tomorrow!  Incidentally I've taken photos of  Oreo which I'll post here when I develop my film. But you won't be able to tell how sweet Oreo actually is. Too bad there's no such thing as cuddly loving cat-ovision.  I must say Oreo didn't seem to like the camera. He wants to mess up my pictures too!
 
3-13-02

Passover falls out early this year. I am going to try to abide by the dietary restrictions. It’s very difficult for me, bread is my favorite food. I could live on bread alone (although in my right mind I wouldn’t turn down sauce and cheese) You stroll through any kosher-for-Passover section of the market and there are all these newfangled concoctions made from matzo meal instead of flour. But it’s freaky food, c'mon… aint nuthin'  like the real thing baby (if more people thought along these lines, we never would've been subjected to Cheese Whiz)  I’d rather stick to non-bread foods altogether and avoid crude imitations. I’ll thank my mom to avoid the Passover food aisle altogether.  My mother is a good cook but never when she experiments. All these bizarre matza products were clearly laboratory synthesized. The worst part of my mother’s food experiments is her companion attempt at mind control. No matter how the experiment turns out you can be sure she will park next to you and keep saying over and over and over again, “It’s good!,” right into your ear.
“No offense mom, but I don’t really like this.”
“It’s good.”
“It tastes funny.”
“It’s good.”
“I’m not eating this.”
“It’s good.”
“It’s good.”
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”
The biblical manna that fell in the desert was reported to taste like any food you wanted it to taste like. For all practical purposes, tofu. Which can taste like a hamburger if you cook it with an actual hamburger. Before the Israelites could complain about the tasteless rations, Debbie’s mom was scurrying around ear to ear chanting “It’s good. It’s good. It’s good.”
FAQ:
Why is Passover Debbie’s favorite Jewish holiday?
Because it’s an inspirational story for the ages.  A pre-enlightenment admonition that G-d did not intend for men to make slaves of other men. G-d has no feelings either way about men having to take out the garbage.
What the heck is matza?
Matza is unleavened bread. Think of a ritz cracker without the ritziness.  Or check out my matza CHAIKU  (#2) for a precise definition
Does Debbie like holiday movies?
You betcha. Even though I know Rudolph is ultimately going be Santa’s pet (no pun intended), I still cry when he gets dissed on. Although not as much as when Dumbo is ostracized by the mean mommy elephants. Or what about the scene from Pete’s Dragon where Pete gives the dragon the cold shoulder? How f*cking uncalled for was that! But let’s stick to holiday movies. It’s A Wonderful Life is an awesome flick, it amazes me how heartwarming it managed to be without waxing schmaltzy. For 5 minutes following the ending, I actually put my cynicism on reserve but then invariably I come to my senses and resume my disdain for the mean mommy elephants (oh sure they came around at the end but it was so obviously phony) And then of course there’s The Ten Commandments, one of my all time favorite films period, although I don’t care for the updated version where Moses arms the Hebrews and they shoot their way out of Egypt.
Ummmm, what does schmaltzy mean?
Well, schmaltz is German/Yiddish for chicken fat. "Schmaltzy" has become an Americanism, extended to describe something that is  "sappy, overly sentimental." Incidentally, if you want tofu to actually "taste like chicken" you need to fry it in schmaltz.
 

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