I do not regularly retireve email from my Misfits/tomerdevorah  accounts. I find it a little overwhelming. You can always email me at one of my many million hotmail accounts but please do not CC mail there or send attachments over 100K.  The only reason I haven't emailed certain people in the last few wks. is because I don't know their email addresses by heart. We have to do away with this address book feature. True I dont want to trade out my degrading nicknames for everyone but I would give them up if it meant being forced to memorize email addies. But I can't just force myself to memorize. It doesn't work like that. There's a popular fable about a wise man who appears before two wayfarers, one in red and one in blue. He offers each a choice between a difficult path through life and an easy one. The man in red chooses the difficult life professing "I would like my character to be defined by challenges." The man in blue chooses the easy life saying "Dammit. What's 'bastardbanana's full email address?" The man in red spends his entire life poor sick and alone except for an occasional call by the man in blue who reminds him what a shmuck he is.

Some shmuck sent me flowers to try to atone for his shmuckiness. I don't think I have the energy for friendship anymore. And I realize mine is a rotten attitude. A few days ago my mom actually asked me if I'd managed to throw everyone out of my life. I told her I was hard at work on it, these things take time! She pointed out something important & obvious, namely that I am not anti social. Do you know how hard it is to be a loudmouth loner? Maybe this accounts for the urban destitute who walk the street engaging themselves in audible dialogue. But those people will invariably talk to you, usually to ask you something. And they expect you to know where they left off in their conversation with themself.  I believe these people's questions would make perfect sense, if only you'd been listening to them for the last 5 years.

My friend knows I don't like flowers. Well, it's not that I don't like them, I just find it depressing to watch them slowly wilt. And guys have this misconception that the larger the bouquet the more thoughtful the gesture. But I think one carefully selected flower is warmer. They always put the baby's breath around it anyway so it looks like a jungle.  But I appreciate large exotic flowers like ginger. And I love sunflowers. Sure they're not conventionally pretty but they seem so darned happy even when they're keeling over. I mean, I feel like crying every time I see one of those weeping willow trees. I'm like "you wanna talk about it?"

Not all flowers are bad. I was one of the first owners of the dancing flower. Ultimately I grew very disillusioned with its nonselective too-agreeable taste in music.

The flowers did perk me up some but not nearly as much as the conciliatory message on my machine that stated "long island girls rule!"  That's right ladies and gentlemen. Long Island girls do it better. We can polish off a can of hair spray in well under a minute. And that's just the tip of the iceberg!

Someone from my apartment complex had put the flowers inside my door.  Presumably that same someone left my television on. Why my television was turned on, I have no idea. It was too late to call the front office and chew them out though I intend to. I phoned my parents to let them know I got home in one piece (if Id gotten home in three pieces, each piece wouldve had to make a separate phone call). I tell my dad about the tv and he shrugs it off. "Don't worry about it."  So I in turn charged "put mom on the phone!" I didnt even want to talk to my mom but I desperately needed someone to share in my indignation.
Debbie's Mom: They shouldn't do that!
Debbie: I know!
Debbie's Mom: That's wrong.
Debbie: I know! Tell dad they shouldn't do that, that it's wrong!......did you tell him???
Debbie's Mom: He's involved with the t.v.

No my dad didn't turn on my t.v. And I havent a clue as to the identity of the tv bandit.  What do you think? You're on my side right? They shouldn't have done that, it was wrong! Join me in my outrage! (oh but you can hop on that Denny's racism suit! Have you no shame honkeyball? By the way honkeyball, what is your full email address?)

My Ballot Box
My opinion on the TV bandit is...

a) as long as they left the nudie channel on, itís ok. If they left on CNN, sue the bastards!
b) Psychocase! Why not just rifle through your underwear drawer like a normal person?
c) Once in Phelps County Missouri, a 34 year old beautician left her house to buy some milk. It was an ordinary day in an ordinary town. She returned home to an unplugged television set that was powered on. Later they found out it took C batteries. but for like 5 minutes, it was some really freaky shit!
d) Theyíre trying to communicate with you from the beyond. Duh! Your apartment is on top of a cemetery and the bodies were never removed. You must give them a proper burial or else youíre totally fucked!
e) How can you be sure you didnít leave the tv on? And if a tv is turned on in the apartment and thereís no one around to hear it, is it making any sound? Hey donít ask me for answers. Iím strictly a questions man.
f) Itís obvious youíre feeling guilty about watching too much television so your subconscious has weaved this yarn, this sympathetic story about an intrusion. I mean, really. Do you think anyone has forgotten about the burglar who broke into your home in January, didnít take anything, didnít mess up anything, but left your vibrator on?

View Results


 1        2        3        4        5        6        7        8         9        10       11       12         13

14        15        16        17        18        19        20        21        22        23        24        25


Older Newish

Home is where the heart is (all my other junk's there too)