Dear Mr. Cunta (ďSinkĒ),
I am sorry to hear about the passing of your father. He was the seventh person in his position to be assassinated inside a two week period. My sincerest condolences. You donít even get that kind of job turnover in car sales.
Iím also sorry youíre in possession of a bunch of money you canít spend. That happened to me once when I pulled off a major heist and this ink dye thingamajig exploded all over me. I was advised to continue bathing myself in equal parts turpentine and vinegar and that eventually over time Iíll be able to go out in public without wearing a dark long sleeved turtleneck and ski mask, even if Iím used to dressing that way for my work.
You can be assured that I am very sympathetic towards your predicament. I have been permanently barred from entering 13 third world dictatorships, 3 industrialized democracies, and 2 countries that are kinda like in the middle. Just out of curiosity, what type of military seminar or weapons purchasing does 18 mil buy you anymore? I remember a time when you could take out a small island with 18 mil. Those were the days. * Sigh *
Over the years Iíve learned from my many misadventures in thievery, extortion, counterfeiting and money laundering that the more complicated the plan, the more likely it is to fail. Which is why I believe youíre ďoverthinkingĒ things. I am happy to accept your offer of 25%. All you need to do is paypal me the money. Have you used paypal? Itís free for sending money. Plus there is a $5 gift for signing up. Please mention my name when you sign up because then I also receive $5 for referring you. And donít forget to add an extra 3% to cover the paypal fees on my end.
This is a good basic plan. You need to realize it's risky speaking over the telephone, it might be bugged. Yeah they could be monitoring your Internet connection too but believe me the FBI has much better people to carnivore.
Now itís imperative you do this sooner than later because my sources reveal youíre on quite a few hit lists. At least thatís what your mother told me, and to that end she seemed very hopeful. She also told me to tell you that bathing once a week isnít enough. She is one shrewd broad. No wonder sheís lived to 57, 14 years above the national average lifespan.
I haven't discussed this with anyone in my own family, although I'm certain it would greatly improve my relationship with them. But that's what I'm afraid of.
I am so happy you have chosen me for this great honor. Couldnít have come at a better time too, Visa recently named me most valuable debtor.
Again, thank you for contacting me. I believe the entire modern population is connected by six degrees of spam. Itís heartwarming when you think about it.
Receptively yours (like I had a fucking choice),
Spammer of Satan
FROM:MR SINKESHI KONTA.
REQUEST FOR URGENT BUSINESS ASSISTANCE
This letter is to intimate you of a very lucrative
business that will be beneficial to both of us if
treated with trust and confidentiality it deserves.I
am SINKESHI KONTA, the son of BRIGADIER A. C. KONTA ,
the public relations officer to the late ďLAURANT
KABILAĒ(former President of the Democratic Republic of
Congo)who was assassinated on Tuesday 16th January
2001 by one of his bodyguards who also comes from the
same community with him.
Reference to information of your company from one
of your countryís trade yellow pages. I wish to
commerce a very confidential business with you
involving the transfer of US$18 Million (Eighteen
Million United States Dollars) into your companyís or
private account for safekeeping pending on when I come
over to your country for my family investment.
Originally this money was mapped-out for a
military seminar scheduled to be held on the 19th
January 2001 in the capital city of Kinshasa, and my
father was solely in charge of the organizing of the
seminar. Unfortunately, the news of the assassination
of the President broke and my father used the
opportunity to divert the fund for our family future
planning and therefore send my senior sister with the
box of money to me in South Africa. Now we are not
allowed to operate an account due to our status as
asylum seekers, then I decided to deposit the fund in
a Security and Finance Trust Company pending a
Yesterday I received a phone call from my mother
that my father has been sacked along with four other
top officials of the government by Major General
Joseph Kabila the son of the late President who is now
the new president of our country. And that they are
facing a probe panel for masterminding the death of
the late President which was intentionally to them.
I am therefore seeking your assistance to come
down to South Africa to help me by opening a
non-resident and investment dollar bank account where
this money will be deposited for onward transfer into
your account overseas. After discussing with my mother
yesterday, we unanimously agreed to offer you 20% of
the total amount, 5% for the expenses that may be
incurred in the process of the transaction and 75%
will be kept for our family investment in yourcountry.
I have also arranged a lawyer and two top bankers who
will assist us in the transfer of the fund without
Indicate your willingness to help me by sending
regards to this address :firstname.lastname@example.org
including your private telephone and fax numbers in
MR. SINKESHI KONTA
(For the family)
I decided I am no longer taking spam lying down. Nor will I take it standing up, seated at my desk, in a lotus position, or hopping on one leg. I will not be a victim! Instead I will be a victim loser (important distinction) who will take the time to write back to an address that is likely nonexistent or has long exceeded its storage quota. I am the spammer of Satan. I represent the spammers of Satan. Get thee behind me!
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Home is where the heart is (all my other junk's there too)