May 1, 2002

Why I can only stay home for so long. I’m a transient fixture. My brother loves to tell me how quiet it is when I leave but trust me, put any two people from my family within 5 miles of each other and you have the basic recipe for noise. If I were an ingredient, I'd be volume.

Honorable Mention:

Debbie’s Brother: I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?
Debbie’s Mom: What’s the bad news?
Debbie’s Brother: Don’t you want to hear the good news?
Debbie’s Mom: No
Debbie’s Brother: There was this huge bug, HUGE, on the blinds. Debbie would’ve left the country. This bug was huge. It was the biggest bug I ever saw. So I went to hit it and I broke the blinds.
Debbie’s Mom: How did you break the blinds?
Debbie’s Brother: When I hit it, it broke.
Debbie’s Mom: What’s the good news?
Debbie’s Brother: I killed the bug.


Debbie’s Mom: I’m going to take out the garbage.
Debbie’s Dad: Debbie, can you go watch her?
Debbie: Dad, leave me alone
Debbie’s Mom: I don’t need anyone to watch me.
Debbie’s Dad: I’m trying to protect my family.
Debbie: Mom!
Debbie’s Mom: I don’t need anyone to watch me.
Debbie’s Dad: She still has sex appeal!
Debbie: Whatever. I’m eating.
Debbie’s Dad: My knees are shot. I’m in pain. Can you do me a favor?
Debbie: No. I asked you to lower the heat. You keep raising the heat and increasing our dependence on Saudi Arabia.
Debbie’s Brother: It IS an oven in here.
Debbie’s Mom: YOU GO UPSTAIRS!
Debbie’s Brother: Do you have your period? I thought women your age didn’t get their period.

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
More of the Timeless Youngman Henny

This is my foxy sister. From the Women of Boston University calendar.  I had a chance to be in the school calendar only I cut the shoot. I was adamant that I should receive college credit for getting out of bed. I also wanted credit for eating in the school cafeteria (believe me, anyone who did that deserved ALOT of credit)


G-d Bless America! That's my daddy in the lower right. In case you think the 1950's was some kind of golden era, I'd like to call your attention to the two gentleman in the upper right who are engaged in some kind of heated debate ("Sandra Dee is NOT a slut. Take that back." "I will not, I've heard things.")  The guy up top is looking a little too happy. But then again, a girl sandwich tends to have that kind of effect on men.

This is my mom (right) and Noga the Israeli belly dancer (left). Every time my parents talk about her they mention that she belly danced. My mom never belly danced. She had alot of babies though. She just bellied.

Speaking of belly, I don't know what I'm doing in this photo, apparently impersonating an Ethiopian child from Save The Children, I hate this picture and my mom insists on leaving it hung up. And it's entirely my fault because I wanted to show my brother that you can approach celebrities, you just have to know how to talk to them. Kids were rushing over to Billy Martin and asking for his autograph and he was turning everyone away (I dont care how many times he lost his job, that's no reason to take it out on small children!) So I marched on over there and introduced myself and then I said rather loudly "My mommy saw you drunk at a bar once." (kids say the darndest things) and the next darned thing you know, we're taking a picture.  And I may have mentioned this before but at some point in the conversation I was still having, Billy Martin told me to shutup (again, projecting his unemployment trauma onto an innocent child) I would like to add that I did not pick out this bathing suit. I would not have wanted one in green. I could get lost in the grass and no one would find me. I am certain my mom forced me to wear this green bathing suit.  But she made up it for it years later when she bought me a sexy one piece suit on the French side of St. Maarten. It was $40. $40 a long time ago. We lied and told my dad it was $20. My dad still had something to say. "$20? I pay $7 for my bathing suit" So I replied "That's obvious."  That ended that conversation, at which point I decided to use my one French word on all the salesladies. I'm not making this up. I ran around going "Jemapelle Debbie!" and then they started talking to me, I had no clue what they were saying so I just nodded my head "oui" (Ok, so I know -two- French words)


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PS I don't regularly retrieve e-mail from my misfits account so don't think I'm lying in a ditch somewhere. If I were gone you'd know it, you'd notice the increase in bandwidth. And FYI, when I'm in a ditch, I make a point of telling the truth, which in this particular case would be noting that the ditch was in a really stupid place.