1-16-02
I would like to clarify something for anyone who might be odd, curious, or bored enough to care. I am not a pessimist. I’m an optimist when others have problems. And unfortunately I’m rather numb to my own. But not a pessimist. I am, however, misanthropic. I don’t like people. I think they’re garbage (love you too debbie). And frankly I think any honest optimist would arrive at the same conclusion. Only they’d try to make people non garbagey, they’d see that there are nongarbagey parts to work with. If I ever felt this way, I no longer hold this vision. I think G-d should just throw us all out. He really must be a man, as evidenced by his reluctance to take out the trash! While I may employ the label “misanthropic” and while I may kvetch kick and scream, often with a merciless sarcasm, my real feelings on this are a little more complex. Folks don’t like complex so of course it –must- be that I’ve been badly hurt by all the wrong people and all I really need is to be rescued by the right giant penis (what? You want that I should be rescued by a small weenie?) My life and my relationships haven’t been so tragic. Nor do I consider any of my past experiences to be reducible to some cliché that can easily explain who I am and why I see certain things the way I do. Maybe I just want someone who’ll hide me when the villagers come for my blood. So I killed a few dozen random bystanders, is that any reason to drive a stake through my heart? And where I come from, it’s just not considerate to burn someone’s coffin. Whatever you do, please spare me the glass metaphor. It’s normal to consider the glass half full, it’s a line of vision thing. There could be a drop of water in the glass and I’d mention the drop, especially if I were in the desert. I’m sensitive to that sort of thing because I grew up with an idiot brother who to this day deliberately leaves one drop of orange juice or one drop of milk in the container specifically so he doesn’t have to replace it. Of course I never replace soda. Every time I’m home my mother puts more soda in the fridge for me. And she always asks me why I won’t do it. I’m fresh out of lame excuses. I think the last one I used was “I like the way you do it.” If you want to know something trivial but personal about me that everyone but you knows… I have a very bad coke habit. And I usually don’t even finish the can before opening a new one (it must be fizzy. A flat universe isn’t bad but a flat soda is terrible. The fizz is a metaphor for life) I have half empty soda cans all over the place. Yes, half empty. I’m no longer going to be optimistic when it comes to beverages. L’chaym!
PS Someone gave me this cool radio/flashlight,
the kind that can convert mechanical energy (look ma, no batteries). Either
I wasnt cranking it properly (tiny little handle) or it really takes alot
of cranking to get the radio going. The light was easy. I have strong fingers
but very weak wrists and this tried me. I wouldnt give up though
and I finally got it working from winding. And all I could think
afterwards was "Now I can give the world's best handjob."