The following is a list, which includes but is not limited to the reasons the Yankees lost Game Seven*
*I hate pointing this out over and over again but you have to watch sports with a gambler’s attitude. You always wipe the slate clean. The past is irrelevant. Of course if the past is entirely irrelevant I wouldn’t care that we lost game 7. OK now I’m confusing myself!
The Top Ten Reasons The Yankees Lost Game Seven
#1) Debbie got her period. If it had been the Stanley Cup, we would’ve
won.
#2) Papi thinks getting it on with Britney Spears is more important
than winning a World Series. Even Bob Dole knows that sometimes you have
to forgo a home run for a home run. I also had to explain to Papi that
except for Don Zimmer, none of the Yankees are having sex tonight.
#3) Debbie’s mom was supposed to wear the lucky green Yankee jersey.
Yes she did in fact put on the lucky green Yankee jersey but she wore it
over another shirt which degrades the whole value of it.
#4) Fletch, a red sox megalomaniac, lost a baseball bet and had to
put a conspicuous Yankee logo on his website. He obliged, even going so
far as to put up Yankee wallpaper. BUT upon viewing the web page under
1000X magnification I couldn’t help but notice the underlying voodoo. Its
not just under the 1000X magnification, you have to tilt your head at a
45 degree angle** and then eat some peyote but then you’ll know what I’m
talking about. I’m nobody’s fool!
#5) Tony, a mets megalomaniac, lost a baseball bet last year and was
-supposed- to wear a Yankee cap for 3 days. According to him, he wore it
for 2 days but never furnished me with proof that he so much as wore it
for 2 seconds. Not only that, a couple of years ago Tony improvised a musical
ditty called “Andy Pettite sucks.” He was probably working on “Mariano
Rivera sucks” all through the ninth. Never underestimate the power of song.
#6) Ben was supposed to swap pregame computercam photos with Debbie
before the game began, his idea. And he was supposed to wear the autographed
Don Mattingly cap Debbie bought him many moons ago, my idea. No photo.
No Mattingly cap. And if he did wear the Mattingly cap, he probably put
it over another cap!
#7) that’s what you get when you hold a championship game inside a
pueblo instead of a real stadium
#8) The Giants won. Law of averages.
#9) And someone banged Britney Spears. How could they!
#10) Even though the Yankees should’ve won game 7, they were thoroughly
outplayed the entire series (em, that’s the peyote talking)
Me, before the big game, all smiles
Me, noticing the webpage voodoo** and naively failing to counteract it with own brand of hocus pocus
Me with that retarded "I am hypnotized by the eye of the camera" face. Hey, self photography requires concentration!
Me, before the big game, all smiles (hell man do I have to write an original caption for everything?!)
Me, making a bold prediction about the Yankees. (you dont have to tell me my finger is well endowed!)
I was watching Superman II before the Yankee game started. This is that scene where Lex Luthor figures out that Superman just zonked Zad and company with the red rays. You believe the good guys always triumph in the end, guess again! and to think I missed watching that scene where Superman goes to kick the shit out of that trucker who beat him up when he was mortal. That was the whole movie!
Me, silenced (well, not really) and solemn after the game. I know my pj's are goofy but theyre comfy so shadup!
I can never show my face in public again!
Im only smiling because my hair was tickling my nose!
See I'm all upset again. Or I am about to make a frog noise. Either or.
I'm going to bed. To sleep, perchance to dream a do-over...
P.S. I am NOT accepting any gloating or sarcasm. And now you're thinking "You can dish it out but you can't take it!" Yeah, so?