5-5-01

Thank you NY Knicks for -fouling- up my Friday night! Talk about a team that needs to get -center-ed. Camby aint cutting it there. They should've kept him hostage! Looks like somebody said the wrong prayer! I have fondness only for Van Gundy who looks like he hasn't slept since being a fetus and Sprewell who's all heart. At first I despised Sprewell, I figured the last thing the Knicks needed at the time was a "choker." But the boy is in it to win it, he does not want to be denied. I think he's insanely adorable every time he cheers or pouts. No I don't have any designs on him. As much as I'm into tall sexy men, romance must be kept within the realm of mechanical possibility! I'd rather sink my teeth into Tyler Florence (sp?) (what are the odds he'll be mentioned in Adam Sandler's next Hanukah song?) Tyler is host of "Food 911" on the Food Channel. People dial in their "food emergencies" and Tyler runs like the wind to come to their rescue. Wait'll he gets a load of my food emergency, namely that there isn't a crumb of food inside the otherwise tasteful pine cabinets! It'll have to be a two part episode, first installment, Tyler gets a shopping list. Else it'll default to "cellulose surprise." Don't mind me, I just haven't had any desert in a really long time, if you catch my drift! The following is a recording of my Food 911 call:
"Hello Food 911? Yes Captain Florence, I need you! It's a matter of life and death! I'll just die if you don't come hahahaha -snort-! I'm sorry, the hunger is making me tipsy. But anyway, it's real hot in my kitchen so maybe you should just wear an apron and nothing else. Whatever you say my little ramekin! Can I call you Ty? Great verb...."

6-03-01

Did I ever show you the picture from my sister's wedding where my date had to actually prop my drunk ass up? Good, and I never will! But you can see these...

6-08-01

Before They Were Email Pals (the handwritten letter formative years)

I am certain that my original note contained a threat to kick Veronicaís ass. But obviously the editor didnít have the guts to publish the real deal. Instead I was edited to sound like a normal little girl. What a slap in the face. And they put me next to a Red Sox fan, mix up a little alcohol and salt and clean out my wounds why donít you!
 

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