3-20-01

Let me reiterate this again so I might drive the point home. I am not obsessed with Clinton. The only reason I haven't redone my website is because I’m a lazy mutha. When trying to comprehend Debbie’s rhyme and reason, nine times out of ten, ‘lazy mutha’ is your Occam’s Razor explanation. Am I the voice of a generation or what? I’m going to attempt to post something new over here at least once a week.  But since this here is my personal page, I suppose I should say something personal at least once a month. You’re not the entitled to the intimate details of my life (re: there aren’t any! Man I don’t even know where I put my dildo) So let’s stick with trifles. I haven’t washed my face all week.  I haven’t been wearing any makeup since Gene Simmons and I disbanded. Plus I take really hot showers and it sucks every bit of moisture from my face. When I turn off the water, I’m like astronaut food. I decided tonight that I should wash my face with soap (No I don’t need to wash out my mouth just because I said dildo) I get tripped up by the sink here and I usually burn my fingers. I’m just too used to a certain sink at my parents house that takes a while to warm up. The hot water heater in my apartment works a little too well. But believe me, I earned this blessing. I once lived in an apartment, a luxury apartment yet, where the hot water in the shower would run out after 10-15 minutes. It was awful in the dead of winter because it takes that much longer for the new water to heat up. I can tell you’re already thinking “well who needs more than 10-15 minutes in the shower. You and your spoiled rubber ducky wouldn’t last a week in the army!” Look, I take my time in the shower. I’ve got bubbles that need foaming, tunes that need crooning…stop thinking dildo, the shower is about cleanliness. I like my showers third degree burn hot. Major steam. Head rush. You know the deal. So I phone the apartment management. This is the classic conspiracy situation. Its always the knee jerk response. You’re the only one who’s complained about X problem. If the entire apartment house was on fire, and you called up about the smoke, you’d still be the only dissatisfied tenant. Weeks pass by and some repair guy is in my place fixing something. We were making casual small talk and I probably made a joke about the cryogenic chamber that was my shower. He sang like a canary. Apparently before I moved in, there was a tenant meeting over the shower situation. The building management offered them the option of replacing the individual water heaters with a much larger single one (which would be ok since everyone doesn’t shower at the same time. That phenomenon only happens with laundry) but here’s the rub. It’d have cost them another 8 bucks in rent. So they turned down the offer. 8 measly dollars! Because of these sick shnurrers I couldn’t take a bath. If I wanted to chill out, or fry up in a piping hot bath, I had to pull a Gilligan’s Island. I’m serious. I had to boil some water in a kettle and keep it nearby. And I didn’t want to keep doing that, especially knowing how friggin freezing it’d be once I stepped out of the tub. Y’know what the moral of the story is? Whirpool. Only $25 a month on easy pay. But I know what’ll happen. I call up the apartment management and they insist I’m the only one who’s demanded a Jacuzzi!

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