POETRY
The president's loud protestation
On his fall to the intern's
temptation
"This affair is still
moral,
As long as it's oral.
Straight screwing I save for
the nation."
Now stories in DC are rife,
With rumors of Bill's private
life.
Trouble is brewing.
He won't stop his screwing,
And none of it's with his dear
wife.
Lewinsky and Clinton have shown
what Kaczynski must surely
have known:
that an intern is better
than bombs in a letter
given the choice of how to
be blown
"STARR I ARE -- a newly discovered
tale of Dr. Seuss"
I'm here to ask
As you'll soon see --
Did you grope
Miss Lewinsky?
Did you grope her
In your house?
Did you grope
Beneath her blouse?
I did not do that
Here or there--
I did not do that
Anywhere!
I did not do that
Near or far --
I did not do that
Starr-You-Are.
Did you smile?
Did you flirt?
Did you peek
Beneath her skirt?
And did you tell
The girl to lie
When called upon
To testify?
I do not like you
Starr-You-Are --
I think that you
Have gone too far.
I will not answer
Any more --
Perhaps I will go
Start a war!
The public's easy
To distract -
When bombs are
Falling on Iraq!
JOKES
There were 5 presidents on
the Titanic--Carter, Reagan, Bush, Nixon
and Clinton. As the Titanic
hit the iceberg...Bush exclaimed, "We hit
an Iceberg" Reagan queried,
"We hit what?" Carter declared, "Save
the women and children!"
Nixon said, "Screw the women!" Clinton
asked, "Do we have time?"
President Clinton looks up
from his desk in the Oval Office to see on
of his aides nervously approach
him. "What is it?" exclaims the
President. "It's this
Abortion Bill, Mr. President, what do you want to
do about it?" the aide
replies. "Just go ahead and pay it," responds
the President.
A couple of Bill Clinton buddies
were talking about what a sweet smile
Monica has. Bill replied, "Yes.
She has the whitest teeth that I have
ever come across."
Hillary Clinton went in for
her yearly checkup. When she was
finished, she asked her gynecologist
how things looked. He said he
was pleased and that she is
in great shape but that she was pregnant!
She told the doctor there was
no way, but he said that she most
definitely was a month pregnant.
Well, she stormed out of the office
and went to the receptionist
and took the phone and called the White
House. When the operator answered
she said that it was Hillary and
that she wanted to talk to
Bill right away. Well, they rang the oval
office and Bill answered. Hillary
said, "Do you know what you did you
rotten bastard? You got me
pregnant!" The president remained silent.
Again, Hillary screamed, "DO
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID, YOU
ROTTEN BASTARD? YOU GOT ME
PREGNANT!" Bill finally
answered, "Who is this?"
A pole of 100 women in Washington
D.C: When asked-
"Would you every sleep
with the president?" 95
of those
women said, "Never again!"
Comments on Monica Lewinsky's Intern
Performance Report
Truly an eager beaver.
Excellent oral dictation skills: has never
missed a period.
Great attitude! Willing to accept a heavy
load.
"In box" is always full.
Does Inhale.
ONE LINERS
Have you ever heard of a President
being BLOWN out of office?
Lewinsky comparing Clinton
to her former boyfriend: "Close but no cigar."
Turns out he didn't tell her
to lie, he told her to kneel.
If Kenneth Starr can extend
his probe, what is wrong with Clinton
doing the same?
Overheard in the White House:
Yassar Arafat to Clinton: "Billy,
try Goats; they don't talk."
Seems that the biggest new
game to play in Washington DC is "Swallow
The Leader."
This the second time in history
a "Deep Throat" has been at the center of
a presidential controversy.
Most people afraid of getting
AIDS from sex. Clinton is now afraid of
getting sex from Aides.
In a surprise interview, Monica
was asked about the details of her
late night meetings with the
President..."I can't remember the details,
she said, but I know the answer
is on the tip of my tongue!"
The Clinton Potato Chip: LAYS, The Clinton
Card Game: POKER
After the State of the Union
address on Tuesday, President Clinton
was asked about Rwanda. "I
never slept with her," he replied.
QUICKIE QUIPS
What do you call 8 nights of
blow jobs?
Hanukah Lewinsky.
Why did Clinton name his dog
"Buddy?"
Because he couldn't bear saying,
"Come, Spot!"
What does Monica Lewinsky have
on her Resume?
"Sat on the Presidential
Staff."
What's the first thing President Clinton
does in the morning?
Go back to the White House.
What is the last thing Clinton
wants for Xmas?
Two front teeth.
What is the difference between
greeting the Queen and greeting
the President of the United
States?
You only have to get on one
knee to greet the Queen.
How do you satisfy Clinton's
sexual appetite?
It takes a village
What were Clinton's fist words
to Paula Jones at the deposition?
"So now you open your
mouth!"
What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have
in common?
They were both upset when Bill finished first.
What is Bill's definition of
safe sex?
When Hillary is out of town.
What does Bill say to Hillary
after Great sex.
"Honey I'll be home in
15 minutes."
How does Bill keep Monica away from the White
House?
He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over
to give her a ride.
Why is Clinton so interested
in events in the Middle East?
He thinks the Gaza Strip is
a topless bar.
What do Bill and Ross Perot
have in common?
They both heard a giant sucking
sound!
After the scandal broke, what
did the headline on the Washington Post read?
Bush finally defeats Clinton.
Why does Bill Clinton wear
underwear?
To keep his ankles warm.
What does Hillary Clinton do
right after she shaves her pussy?
She sends him to work.
What's the definition of an Arkansas Virgin?
A girl that can run faster than the Governor.
How is Bill Clinton different
from the Titanic?
Only 1500 went down on the
Titanic.
What's the difference between
Vince Foster, Ron Brown, and
Monica Lewinsky?
Monica is the only one who
took a shot in the head from Bill and
lived to tell about it.
Did you know that Monica isn't
100% Jewish?
She has a little bit of hillbilly
in her.
White House Intern Employment Application
Name: _________________ (Optional)
Age:
Legal: __
Under: __ (Not a disqualifying answer)
Sex:
Oral __
Improper __ (Not a disqualifying answer)
Position applying for:
On top: __
Below: __
Behind: __
Other: __ (Please describe in graphic detail.)
______________________________________
______________________________________
______________________________________
Education Level:
You can't get pregnant if you do it standing up __
Oral sex is not adultery __
You're still a virgin if he pulls out early __
It's not perjury if it's a civil case __
Less than five women isn't cheating __
Typing Speed:
words per minute:____
words per minute using only tongue:____
Distance can suck a golf ball though a garden hose:
5 feet: __
10 feet: __
100 feet: __
Don't need garden hose: __
List other talents that you believe qualify you for
White House position:
Above the waist:
______________________________________
Below the waist:
______________________________________
Kama Sutra:
Page number(s):
______________________________________
Do you or any of your friends own a tape recorder?
No __
Grand jury alert __
Do you keep a diary?
No __
Yes __
If yes, do you lie to it?
______________________________________
How would you best describe your reasons for wanting
to work for the White House?
Serve my country __
Report what is going on to Hillary __
Join the Air Force One Mile High Club __
Previous Experience:
Hugh Hefner: __
Dallas Cowboys: __
Seventh Fleet: __
JFK: __
The Night Stalker __
Reason for leaving previous position?
Employer died in ecstasy __
Subpoena __
Death threat from employer's wife __
Boyfriend killed employer __
but it's OK. He still in jail __
References:
Gennifer Flowers __
Paula Jones __
Monica Lewinsky __
Janet Reno __
Ted Kennedy __
Ken Starr __
Sam Donaldson __
Where did you hear about this job?
Personal ad __
National Enquirer __
New York Times __
Bimbo Eruption Newsletter __
Dick Morris __
James Carville (We
are not responsible for the hundred
dollars he may promised you or
your trailer park!) __
Phone number in bathroom __
Secret Witness Program __
============================================================
Employer use only:
Won't Share Mistress ___ |