The president's loud protestation

On his fall to the intern's temptation

"This affair is still moral,

As long as it's oral.

Straight screwing I save for the nation."

Now stories in DC are rife,

With rumors of Bill's private life.

Trouble is brewing.

He won't stop his screwing,

And none of it's with his dear wife.

Lewinsky and Clinton have shown

what Kaczynski must surely have known:

that an intern is better

than bombs in a letter

given the choice of how to be blown

"STARR I ARE -- a newly discovered tale of Dr. Seuss"

I'm here to ask

As you'll soon see --

Did you grope

Miss Lewinsky?

Did you grope her

In your house?

Did you grope

Beneath her blouse?

I did not do that

Here or there--

I did not do that


I did not do that

Near or far --

I did not do that


Did you smile?

Did you flirt?

Did you peek

Beneath her skirt?

And did you tell

The girl to lie

When called upon

To testify?

I do not like you

Starr-You-Are --

I think that you

Have gone too far.

I will not answer

Any more --

Perhaps I will go

Start a war!

The public's easy

To distract -

When bombs are

Falling on Iraq!


There were 5 presidents on the Titanic--Carter, Reagan, Bush, Nixon

and Clinton. As the Titanic hit the iceberg...Bush exclaimed, "We hit

an Iceberg" Reagan queried, "We hit what?" Carter declared, "Save

the women and children!" Nixon said, "Screw the women!" Clinton

asked, "Do we have time?"

President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see on

of his aides nervously approach him. "What is it?" exclaims the

President. "It's this Abortion Bill, Mr. President, what do you want to

do about it?" the aide replies. "Just go ahead and pay it," responds

the President.

A couple of Bill Clinton buddies were talking about what a sweet smile

Monica has. Bill replied, "Yes. She has the whitest teeth that I have

ever come across."

Hillary Clinton went in for her yearly checkup. When she was

finished, she asked her gynecologist how things looked. He said he

was pleased and that she is in great shape but that she was pregnant!

She told the doctor there was no way, but he said that she most

definitely was a month pregnant. Well, she stormed out of the office

and went to the receptionist and took the phone and called the White

House. When the operator answered she said that it was Hillary and

that she wanted to talk to Bill right away. Well, they rang the oval

office and Bill answered. Hillary said, "Do you know what you did you

rotten bastard? You got me pregnant!" The president remained silent.

Again, Hillary screamed, "DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID, YOU


answered, "Who is this?"

A pole of 100 women in Washington D.C: When asked-

"Would you every sleep with the president?" 95 of those

women said, "Never again!"

Comments on Monica Lewinsky's Intern Performance Report

Truly an eager beaver.

Excellent oral dictation skills: has never missed a period.

Great attitude! Willing to accept a heavy load.

"In box" is always full.

Does Inhale.


Have you ever heard of a President being BLOWN out of office?

Lewinsky comparing Clinton to her former boyfriend: "Close but no cigar."

Turns out he didn't tell her to lie, he told her to kneel.

If Kenneth Starr can extend his probe, what is wrong with Clinton

doing the same?

Overheard in the White House:

Yassar Arafat to Clinton: "Billy, try Goats; they don't talk."

Seems that the biggest new game to play in Washington DC is "Swallow

The Leader."

This the second time in history a "Deep Throat" has been at the center of

a presidential controversy.

Most people afraid of getting AIDS from sex. Clinton is now afraid of

getting sex from Aides.

In a surprise interview, Monica was asked about the details of her

late night meetings with the President..."I can't remember the details,

she said, but I know the answer is on the tip of my tongue!"

The Clinton Potato Chip: LAYS, The Clinton Card Game: POKER

After the State of the Union address on Tuesday, President Clinton

was asked about Rwanda. "I never slept with her," he replied.


What do you call 8 nights of blow jobs?

Hanukah Lewinsky.

Why did Clinton name his dog "Buddy?"

Because he couldn't bear saying, "Come, Spot!"

What does Monica Lewinsky have on her Resume?

"Sat on the Presidential Staff."

What's the first thing President Clinton does in the morning?

Go back to the White House.

What is the last thing Clinton wants for Xmas?

Two front teeth.

What is the difference between greeting the Queen and greeting

the President of the United States?

You only have to get on one knee to greet the Queen.

How do you satisfy Clinton's sexual appetite?

It takes a village

What were Clinton's fist words to Paula Jones at the deposition?

"So now you open your mouth!"

What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common?

They were both upset when Bill finished first.

What is Bill's definition of safe sex?

When Hillary is out of town.

What does Bill say to Hillary after Great sex.

"Honey I'll be home in 15 minutes."

How does Bill keep Monica away from the White House?

He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride.

Why is Clinton so interested in events in the Middle East?

He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar.

What do Bill and Ross Perot have in common?

They both heard a giant sucking sound!

After the scandal broke, what did the headline on the Washington Post read?

Bush finally defeats Clinton.

Why does Bill Clinton wear underwear?

To keep his ankles warm.

What does Hillary Clinton do right after she shaves her pussy?

She sends him to work.

What's the definition of an Arkansas Virgin?

A girl that can run faster than the Governor.

How is Bill Clinton different from the Titanic?

Only 1500 went down on the Titanic.

What's the difference between Vince Foster, Ron Brown, and

Monica Lewinsky?

Monica is the only one who took a shot in the head from Bill and

lived to tell about it.

Did you know that Monica isn't 100% Jewish?

She has a little bit of hillbilly in her.

White House Intern Employment Application

Name: _________________ (Optional)


Legal: __

Under: __ (Not a disqualifying answer)


Oral __

Improper __ (Not a disqualifying answer)

Position applying for:

On top: __

Below: __

Behind: __

Other: __ (Please describe in graphic detail.)




Education Level:

You can't get pregnant if you do it standing up __

Oral sex is not adultery __

You're still a virgin if he pulls out early __

It's not perjury if it's a civil case __

Less than five women isn't cheating __

Typing Speed:

words per minute:____

words per minute using only tongue:____

Distance can suck a golf ball though a garden hose:

5 feet: __

10 feet: __

100 feet: __

Don't need garden hose: __

List other talents that you believe qualify you for

White House position:

Above the waist:


Below the waist:


Kama Sutra:

Page number(s):


Do you or any of your friends own a tape recorder?

No __

Grand jury alert __

Do you keep a diary?

No __

Yes __

If yes, do you lie to it?


How would you best describe your reasons for wanting

to work for the White House?

Serve my country __

Report what is going on to Hillary __

Join the Air Force One Mile High Club __

Previous Experience:

Hugh Hefner: __

Dallas Cowboys: __

Seventh Fleet: __

JFK: __

The Night Stalker __

Reason for leaving previous position?

Employer died in ecstasy __

Subpoena __

Death threat from employer's wife __

Boyfriend killed employer __

but it's OK. He still in jail __


Gennifer Flowers __

Paula Jones __

Monica Lewinsky __

Janet Reno __

Ted Kennedy __

Ken Starr __

Sam Donaldson __

Where did you hear about this job?

Personal ad __

National Enquirer __

New York Times __

Bimbo Eruption Newsletter __

Dick Morris __

James Carville (We

are not responsible for the hundred

dollars he may promised you or

your trailer park!) __

Phone number in bathroom __

Secret Witness Program __


Employer use only:

Won't Share Mistress ___ |