CHAIKU COMPILATION PAGE

CHAIKU

> jakepres wrote:
>
> Deb,
> Now you know how I found your page.   Better to come clean, I figure.

Deb wrote:
I hope my ad said good things about me

>
> I was heartened that you wrote:
> "Lesson Most Happily Embraced: New flowers will blossom
>  where old ones perish."

Deb wrote:
Are you a gardener?

>
> More fodder  for your poetry page:
>
> There is no subject whatever that is not fit for haiku.
>  -- Basho
>
>  This you call poetry?
>  -- Yiddish Proverb

Deb wrote:
That's deep man.

>
> Not content to leave this exquisite Japanese art form untouched. We
> bring to you the delicate Chaiku, the Jewish version of the verse form,
> redolent not of cherry blossoms and the quiet calm of the East, but
> touching on the inherent chutzpah of this talented people.  Find out why
> God has made these The Chosen Haikus.
>
>
>
>  No fins, no flippers,
>   the gefilte fish swims
>     with some difficulty.
>
>  In the ice sculpture
>   reflected bar mitzvah guests
>     nosh on chopped liver.
>
>  The sparkling blue sea
>   beckons me to wait
>     one hour after my sandwich.
>
>  Cherry blossoms bloom.
>   Sure, it's beautiful, but
>     Is it good for the Jews?
>
>  Is one Nobel Prize
>   so much to ask from a child
>     after all I've done?
>
>  Monarch butterfly,
>   I know your name used to be
>     Caterpillarstein.
>
>  Five thousand years a
>   wandering people-then we
>     found the cabanas.
>
>  Looking for pink buds
>   to prune back, the mohel tends
>    to his flower garden.
>
>  Hey!  Get back indoors!
>      Whatever you were doing
>         could put an eye out.
>
>  Firefly steals into
>      the night just like my former
>         partner, that gonif.
>
>  Look, Muffy!  I've found
>      the most splendid tchochke for
>         our Chanukah bush.
>
>  Scrabble anarchy
>      after putzhead is placed on
>         a triple word score.
>
>  A lovely nose ring -
>      excuse me while I put my
>         head in the oven.
>
>  After the warm rain,
>      the sweet scent of camellias.
>         Did you wipe your feet?
>
>  Wet moss on the old
>      stone path - flat on my back, I
>         ponder whom to sue.
>
>  The long pilgrimage
>      to the venerable shrine -
>         Leonard's of Great Neck.
>
>  Quietly murmured
>    at Saturday services,
>         Yankees 5, Red Sox 3.
>
>  Today I am a
>      man.  Tomorrow I return
>         to the seventh grade.

Deb wrote:
Hilarious. The Red Sox can't make any kind of showing.


> yours,
> Jake
>
> ps:  I admit.   I'm not actually Jewish.   But I memorized "The Joy of
Yiddish" from cover to cover and have been known to sprinkle my conversation
with words like "spilkes" and "schnorer".

Deb wrote:
Shnurrer is a classic. But I'm afraid I'm not familiar with 'spilkes.' All I
know is that if you spilkes something you better clean it up before your mom
gets home. I am certain that growing up, my kitchen was under closed circuit
camera surveillance. You spilled soda, you could brillo the floor, and my
mom would come home and demand to know who spilked something. If the floor
was particularly sticky, my father would convene a hearing.
You think I'm kidding. If it was my sister she'd start bawling immediately.
Girl had no spine. One of my brothers till this day still lies about the
peccadilloes. If he did it, you had to interrogate. Find out what he drank.
What he did all day. Dust for fingerprints. When all eyes were on him
rendering a guilty verdict he'd usually break down.
Then my mom would urge my dad to set the offender straight. My dad would say it's no
big deal. Then my mother and father would start bickering. This made me
realize early on that my parents would never divorce. There wouldn't be
enough days in their lifetime for them to iron out all the details.

>
> pps: My profile is soon to come down from JDate.   I had to put it up
there, in order to write you this letter.

Deb wrote:
With Jews, there's always a catch. or a surcharge.

Deb wrote (contd.):
I counted 18 chaikus which makes sense. I figure the least I can do is
return you the same 18. I noticed the 5-7-5 pattern, 5 symbolizing the five
books of Moses and 7 symbolizing the time it took to create the world (it'd
have taken me at least a month and I'd have created the weekend first). This
was good clean kosher fun.

CHAIKU PART II

my skirt is too short
for saturday shul service
we might as well drive

I am still single
my mother flaunts her marriage
does dad have a friend?

when leaving egypt
a few Jews noshed on bagels
I am sure of it

The cantor's raised voice
dimmed to a pleasant murmur
after he was paid

The starving young lad
plead solemnly for a crumb
before Kol Nidre

Have you ever tried
the Kevin Bacon game with
Hitler and Haman?

"It's a paper cut",
the doctor told Rivkah. The
second opinion

shlemiel shlamazel
did Shirley or Laverne know
what the heck that means?

A disappointment
Not one jacuzzi in the
entire Mikvah

bubbe is Polish
and zeide came from Russia
That's why I'm hairy

men don't ask out girls
who eat too much rugelach
pass the mandelbread

Festival of lights.
It's not about the presents,
which I will exchange

"Call me," I begged her
"what is your number", asked she.
Then took my visa.

he recites brachas
and boogie oogie oogies
disco davener

He sneaks in the den
to watch T.V. on Shabbos
what a couch latke

Can someone help me
untie all of the knots I
made in my tsitsis?

He's nice for a goy.
Most goyim have horns and they
charge high interest.

The land of the Jews
flows far and free with honey
milk, and appraisers

L'Chaikuim,
Deb

My penpal em borrowed from "Haikus For Jews" (The Rebbe David Bader. Harmony Books.)
and I think ascribing credit is a nice thing.
I stole a chaiku
what happened to chanukah?
Please do not sue me.


I want out of exile