CHAIKU > jakepres wrote: > > Deb, > Now you know how I found your page. Better to come clean, I figure. Deb wrote: I hope my ad said good things about me > > I was heartened that you wrote: > "Lesson Most Happily Embraced: New flowers will blossom > where old ones perish." Deb wrote: Are you a gardener? > > More fodder for your poetry page: > > There is no subject whatever that is not fit for haiku. > -- Basho > > This you call poetry? > -- Yiddish Proverb Deb wrote: That's deep man. > > Not content to leave this exquisite Japanese art form untouched. We > bring to you the delicate Chaiku, the Jewish version of the verse form, > redolent not of cherry blossoms and the quiet calm of the East, but > touching on the inherent chutzpah of this talented people. Find out why > God has made these The Chosen Haikus. > > > > No fins, no flippers, > the gefilte fish swims > with some difficulty. > > In the ice sculpture > reflected bar mitzvah guests > nosh on chopped liver. > > The sparkling blue sea > beckons me to wait > one hour after my sandwich. > > Cherry blossoms bloom. > Sure, it's beautiful, but > Is it good for the Jews? > > Is one Nobel Prize > so much to ask from a child > after all I've done? > > Monarch butterfly, > I know your name used to be > Caterpillarstein. > > Five thousand years a > wandering people-then we > found the cabanas. > > Looking for pink buds > to prune back, the mohel tends > to his flower garden. > > Hey! Get back indoors! > Whatever you were doing > could put an eye out. > > Firefly steals into > the night just like my former > partner, that gonif. > > Look, Muffy! I've found > the most splendid tchochke for > our Chanukah bush. > > Scrabble anarchy > after putzhead is placed on > a triple word score. > > A lovely nose ring - > excuse me while I put my > head in the oven. > > After the warm rain, > the sweet scent of camellias. > Did you wipe your feet? > > Wet moss on the old > stone path - flat on my back, I > ponder whom to sue. > > The long pilgrimage > to the venerable shrine - > Leonard's of Great Neck. > > Quietly murmured > at Saturday services, > Yankees 5, Red Sox 3. > > Today I am a > man. Tomorrow I return > to the seventh grade. Deb wrote: Hilarious. The Red Sox can't make any kind of showing. > yours, > Jake > > ps: I admit. I'm not actually Jewish. But I memorized "The Joy of Yiddish" from cover to cover and have been known to sprinkle my conversation with words like "spilkes" and "schnorer". Deb wrote: Shnurrer is a classic. But I'm afraid I'm not familiar with 'spilkes.' All I know is that if you spilkes something you better clean it up before your mom gets home. I am certain that growing up, my kitchen was under closed circuit camera surveillance. You spilled soda, you could brillo the floor, and my mom would come home and demand to know who spilked something. If the floor was particularly sticky, my father would convene a hearing. You think I'm kidding. If it was my sister she'd start bawling immediately. Girl had no spine. One of my brothers till this day still lies about the peccadilloes. If he did it, you had to interrogate. Find out what he drank. What he did all day. Dust for fingerprints. When all eyes were on him rendering a guilty verdict he'd usually break down. Then my mom would urge my dad to set the offender straight. My dad would say it's no big deal. Then my mother and father would start bickering. This made me realize early on that my parents would never divorce. There wouldn't be enough days in their lifetime for them to iron out all the details. > > pps: My profile is soon to come down from JDate. I had to put it up there, in order to write you this letter. Deb wrote: With Jews, there's always a catch. or a surcharge. Deb wrote (contd.): I counted 18 chaikus which makes sense. I figure the least I can do is return you the same 18. I noticed the 5-7-5 pattern, 5 symbolizing the five books of Moses and 7 symbolizing the time it took to create the world (it'd have taken me at least a month and I'd have created the weekend first). This was good clean kosher fun. CHAIKU PART II my skirt is too short for saturday shul service we might as well drive I am still single my mother flaunts her marriage does dad have a friend? when leaving egypt a few Jews noshed on bagels I am sure of it The cantor's raised voice dimmed to a pleasant murmur after he was paid The starving young lad plead solemnly for a crumb before Kol Nidre Have you ever tried the Kevin Bacon game with Hitler and Haman? "It's a paper cut", the doctor told Rivkah. The second opinion shlemiel shlamazel did Shirley or Laverne know what the heck that means? A disappointment Not one jacuzzi in the entire Mikvah bubbe is Polish and zeide came from Russia That's why I'm hairy men don't ask out girls who eat too much rugelach pass the mandelbread Festival of lights. It's not about the presents, which I will exchange "Call me," I begged her "what is your number", asked she. Then took my visa. he recites brachas and boogie oogie oogies disco davener He sneaks in the den to watch T.V. on Shabbos what a couch latke Can someone help me untie all of the knots I made in my tsitsis? He's nice for a goy. Most goyim have horns and they charge high interest. The land of the Jews flows far and free with honey milk, and appraisers L'Chaikuim, Deb My penpal em borrowed from "Haikus For Jews" (The Rebbe David Bader. Harmony Books.) and I think ascribing credit is a nice thing. I stole a chaiku what happened to chanukah? Please do not sue me.
I want out of exile