"Let My People Go!" (I tell ya….they couldn't even wait till they got to the Red Sea. When nature calls…)

Just today my friend asked me what goes on a Seder plate. I answered but also referred him to the definitive source of information on Passover, the Haggadah. "Haggadah", loosely translated, means "to tell." (proof positive that Jews were gossiping Yentas since time immemorial). I love Passover. I think that the true beauty of this holiday is in its in rally, thousands of years old, that every human being wants to be free. That bondage is not the natural state of man (I don't care what happened in the last peep show you saw). Being the youngest of 4 children, I get to recite the Four Questions (it would probably be more fair if each sibling recited one question…but tough noogie on them. I follow the letter of the law.)

An Aerial View Of The Seder Plate:

The egg- this represents the circular cyclical nature of life (not to nit-pick but an egg is an ellipse).
In antiquity, the egg was a sign of mourning (for the chicken maybe).

The drumstick (we won't leave this poor fucking chicken alone)- represents G-d's outstretched arm with which He delivered the Jews from slavery
(this is a literary metaphor. The Lord has stubby appendages)

The bitter herbs- represents the bitter lives of the Jews in Egypt (hey Forrest Gump knew that and he isn't even Jewish)

The celery- can't complain about a food with "negative calories". We use this celery to dip in salt water (and such a delicious fat-free treat). The salt water represents tears. (Even Clinton knew that. But I think Monica tipped him off. Regardless… He feels our pain.)

The charoset- this esoteric overly sweet and unpalatable fruit chutney is a brownish-red color and represents the bricks that the Jews toiled to make for the Egyptians. I for one submit that chocolate covered cherries closely resemble mortar. Sometimes I can't even tell the difference. Chocolate covered cherries.