2003

5-07 (hey it’s haiku day, who knew? If I wait two years, I’ll really be in business)

 

CHAIKU #

The Jewish Haiku #

These are all the chaikus* I’ve written so far. A shout out to J.So for the pesachaiku idea.

 

*The original chaiku idea came from a penpal who emailed me some beauties from

Chaikus for Jews by Rabbi David Bader.

 

#  HAIKU: an unrhymed verse form of Japanese origin having three lines containing usually 5, 7, and 5 syllables respectively

 

# On the pun “chaiku”: Chai is a Hebrew word meaning “Life.” It also denotes the number 18, that time when you get a life. Of course in Jewish families, it is often the case that this independence is postponed by any number of decades.

 

Previously on Pesachaiku:

Let my people go.
Thuth thayeth G-d almighty.
(Moses had a lisp)

Matzah is cardboard
well, except that the cardboard
flavor is removed.

If eliyahu
isn't going to drink that,
then can I have it?

Pesach getaway
airport personnel frisked me
for afikomen

The seder is long
and that is why we recline
Let's eat already!

If the Lord gave me
a mil instead of a bil
I'd say Dayenu.

I built pyramids
no pay and no benefits
where were the teamsters?

Dad tells the bad kid
"please don't eat the celery
during the kiddush"

I'd have freed the Jews
way before plague number ten
I do not like frogs

NEW: I am full but I alvays have room for a little bit more, here, use de big plate

 

 Slaves we Jews once were

To the Pharaoh in Egypt

How ya like me now!

 

P’ri Hagafen

One blessing isn’t enough

MMM Manishevitz

 

The eleventh plague

My Hebrew is corrected

By my mom in law

 

With His outstretched arm

Hashem brought us from Egypt

He’s double jointed

 

The pillars of smoke

My wife burnt all the dishes

A seder well done

 

The little goat died

Before the angel of death

Kicked everyone’s butt

 

My son the wise ass

Is he contrary or wise?

Not sure what to say

 

Other Chaikus:

 
my skirt is too short
for saturday shul service
we might as well drive
 
I am still single
my mother flaunts her marriage
does dad have a friend?
 
when leaving egypt
a few Jews noshed on bagels
I am sure of it
 
The cantor's raised voice
dimmed to a pleasant murmur
after he was paid
 
The starving young lad
plead solemnly for a crumb
before Kol Nidre
 
Have you ever tried
the Kevin Bacon game with
Hitler and Haman?
 
"It's a paper cut",
the doctor told Rivkah. The
second opinion
 
shlemiel shlamazel
did Shirley or Laverne know
what the heck that means?
 
A disappointment
Not one jacuzzi in the
entire Mikvah
 
bubbe is Polish
and zeide came from Russia
That's why I'm hairy
 
men don't ask out girls
who eat too much rugelach
pass the mandelbread
 
Festival of lights.
It's not about the presents,
which I will exchange
 
"Call me," I begged her
"what is your number", asked she.
Then took my visa.
 
he recites brachas
and boogie oogie oogies
disco davener
 
He sneaks in the den
to watch T.V. on Shabbos
what a couch latke
 
Can someone help me
untie all of the knots I
made in my tsitsis?
 
He's nice for a goy.
Most goyim have horns and they
charge high interest.
 
The land of the Jews
flows far and free with honey
milk, and appraisers

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