My birthday is April 18th. That's when I turn 25. I'm lying but since I loved age 25 and want to be 25 forever, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. What difference does a couple of years make anyway. I have at least 5 years before Ill look like a complete idiot in a baby doll tee emblazoned with the word "girl."

MY HORRORSCAPE

"The ram first appeared as a symbol in
                                                         early Egypt. It was depicted as the
                                                         head of Amun, considered to be the
                                                         leading deity whom all other gods
                                                         followed."
I'm not surprised. Gods follow me all the time. I might have to go out in disguise. As a bull's head or something.
 

 "Aries is a leader by right of its
                                                         position as first in the zodiac."
So I cut the guy in front of me. You snooze you lose.

 "Occurring at the beginning of spring, Aries
                                represents the latent life-force of the previous cycle just starting to create
                                growth. Your enterprising nature is reflective of the force of this energy
                                reserve, ready to renew itself in actualization."
Uh huh. Yep. I am constantly renewing my energy, my latent life force, and my drivers license.

" To be independent,
                                self-assertive, and to set an action in motion are your prime objectives."
BAM. KAPOW. SOCK. WALLOP. I thought it would be better with some batman bubbles.

                                "ACTION is your keyword."
No actually my keyword is boombox. You dont hear anyone use that word anymore. Its a damn shame. Boombox.

 "Normally brave and courageous, you can be
                                depended upon to assess a situation, take charge and act without delay
                                in an emergency."
Recently when a friend of mine started bleeding profusely I assessed that it was really gross and left before my clothes were stained.

 "However, your ambition, enthusiasm and need to see
                                quick results may outweigh your capacity for patience and follow-through."
I intend to offer a retort to this. Next week.

"Count to 10 before acting and speaking, so as to weed out any
                                tendencies toward rash, impulsive and reckless action."
1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10. All right. Who's up for naked bungee jumping?

 "You'll have to incorporate discipline as well as cooperation, if you want your creative
  potential to be fully expressed and for the projects you begin to be brought to fruition."
Oh, shutup Mom!

Aries: March 21- April 19
Birthstone: Ruby or Diamond (if its just the same to you, I'll take the diamond)
Colors: Red (I love the color red! I even have red blood!)
Compatible Signs: Leo, Sagittarius, Aquarius
(Isn't the Scorpio the hot lover? Oh well that just figures!)

Things I like (not that I'm dropping any hints):
Green (even though it's not red)
Gift Certificates (you have bad taste)
Gizmos (I already have a girl gizmo, so mark that one off your options list)
General Custer (poor shmuck)

"The sign of the Ram is graced by the element of Fire, and if you were to
                                use one word to describe Aries, it could easily be heat."
Or pyromaniac. But 'heat' definitely sounds nicer

 "People born under
                                this sign have a passion and red-hot energy which often proves irresistible.
                                It's certainly never boring!"
I have so many interesting things to tell you! Starting with…
why do I always have to be the entertainment? Like am I the only one in the Zodiac with a pulse? I don't expect the Virgos will have any good sex stories…

"Arians likes to initiate relationships, and the role
                                of seducer comes to them easily. This sizzling romance dance will only
                                work on those strong enough to stay in the game, because Aries wants a
                                partner who can go toe-to-toe with them, whether it's over lunch or in the
                                bedroom. Aries likes to get its way and often pits the wishes of self
                                against what is best for the partnership, which can lead to conflict."
Which one of you is massaging my feet? Yeah you, the one with the broken fingers.

" But
                                then, these "battles" are often foreplay which can result in some sexy
                                fireworks of their own. The Ram is possessed of a great physicality, a
                                sense of adventure, is wildly flirtatious and loves to play "
Meow! (OK OK *ram noise*)

Music from the boombox…
Happy Birthday To Me
I am not 23.
Happy Birthday Dear Debbie
set the lab gerbils free.

(I kinda got stuck on that last line)
 

 Aries Woman

Remember, BOOMBOX, not "action"
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