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MY HORRORSCAPE
"The ram first appeared as a symbol in
early Egypt. It was depicted as the
head of Amun, considered to be the
leading deity whom all other gods
followed."
I'm not surprised. Gods follow me all the time. I might have to go
out in disguise. As a bull's head or something.
"Aries is a leader by right of its
position as first in the zodiac."
So I cut the guy in front of me. You snooze you lose.
"Occurring at the beginning of spring, Aries
represents the latent life-force of the previous cycle just starting to
create
growth. Your enterprising nature is reflective of the force of this energy
reserve, ready to renew itself in actualization."
Uh huh. Yep. I am constantly renewing my energy, my latent life force,
and my drivers license.
" To be independent,
self-assertive, and to set an action in motion are your prime objectives."
BAM. KAPOW. SOCK. WALLOP. I thought it would be better with some batman
bubbles.
"ACTION is your keyword."
No actually my keyword is boombox. You dont hear anyone use that word
anymore. Its a damn shame. Boombox.
"Normally brave and courageous, you can be
depended upon to assess a situation, take charge and act without delay
in an emergency."
Recently when a friend of mine started bleeding profusely I assessed that
it was really gross and left before my clothes were stained.
"However, your ambition, enthusiasm and need to see
quick results may outweigh your capacity for patience and follow-through."
I intend to offer a retort to this. Next week.
"Count to 10 before acting and speaking, so as to weed out any
tendencies toward rash, impulsive and reckless action."
1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10. All right. Who's up for naked bungee jumping?
"You'll have to incorporate discipline as well as cooperation,
if you want your creative
potential to be fully expressed and for the projects you begin
to be brought to fruition."
Oh, shutup Mom!
Aries: March 21- April 19
Birthstone: Ruby or Diamond (if its just the same to you, I'll take
the diamond)
Colors: Red (I love the color red! I even have red blood!)
Compatible Signs: Leo, Sagittarius, Aquarius
(Isn't the Scorpio the hot lover? Oh well that just figures!)
Things I like (not that I'm dropping any hints):
Green (even though it's not red)
Gift Certificates (you have bad taste)
Gizmos (I already have a girl gizmo, so mark that one off your options
list)
General Custer (poor shmuck)
"The sign of the Ram is graced by the element of Fire, and if you were
to
use one word to describe Aries, it could easily be heat."
Or pyromaniac. But 'heat' definitely sounds nicer
"People born under
this sign have a passion and red-hot energy which often proves irresistible.
It's certainly never boring!"
I have so many interesting things to tell you! Starting with…
why do I always have to be the entertainment? Like am I the only one
in the Zodiac with a pulse? I don't expect the Virgos will have any good
sex stories…
"Arians likes to initiate relationships, and the role
of seducer comes to them easily. This sizzling romance dance will only
work on those strong enough to stay in the game, because Aries wants a
partner who can go toe-to-toe with them, whether it's over lunch or in
the
bedroom. Aries likes to get its way and often pits the wishes of self
against what is best for the partnership, which can lead to conflict."
Which one of you is massaging my feet? Yeah you, the one with the broken
fingers.
" But
then, these "battles" are often foreplay which can result in some sexy
fireworks of their own. The Ram is possessed of a great physicality, a
sense of adventure, is wildly flirtatious and loves to play "
Meow! (OK OK *ram noise*)
Music from the boombox…
Happy Birthday To Me
I am not 23.
Happy Birthday Dear Debbie
set the lab gerbils free.
(I kinda got stuck on that last line)
Remember, BOOMBOX, not "action"
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